Friday, April 23, 2010

What We'd Need To Make A Deal

With all the Adrian Gonzalez trade rumors lingering around from the off-season, it got me thinking what Jed Hoyer could possibly get in return for a .280 hitter who smashes 40 home runs and drives in 100 RBI’s while scoring 100 runs? Oh, and who’s also 27 and signed to a cheap two-year contract. Since this is Hoyer’s first year, I figured I’d give him a little help. So, here are my proposals:

Boston: Clay Buchholz, Jacoby Ellsbury and Bill Simmons.
New York: Your payroll.
Tampa Bay: Your future.
Toronto: Chris Bosh.
Baltimore: Adam Jones, Matt Wieters and Omar Little.

Cleveland: Willie Mays Hayes.
Chicago: Ozzie Guillen.
Kansas City: Umm… a sandwich? What else do you have? I genuinely don’t know.
Detroit: ’84 Alan Trammell.
Minnesota: To treat our stars (Adrian) like you treat yours (Mauer).

Seattle: ‘95 Randy Johnson, ‘97 Ken Griffey Jr., ‘99 Alex Rodriguez and ’01 Ichiro.
Oakland: MC Hammer (I'm sure Krapf will understand Hammer taking over as in-game host).
Texas: Your racism. (San Diego needs a little more attitude.)
Los Angeles of Anaheim: The rights to rename as the "Los Angeles Padres of San Diego". It'll be huge for sponsorships!

Philadelphia: Jayson Werth dressed up in a Muhammad Halloween costume and dropped off in the Middle East.
Atlanta: 14 consecutive division titles.
New York: Your payroll.
Florida: Two World Series rings.
Washington: Stephen Strasburg and the Washington Capitals.

Houston: Michael Bourn and Jason Bourne. Now thooose are some Killer B’s!
St. Louis: Mark McGwire, Jim Edmonds, Tony La Russa and complete denial over how steroids has affected my team’s success.
Pittsburgh: Umm… A sandwich… and french fries? See: Kansas City.
Chicago: Lou Piniella.
Cincinatti: Over 100 years of history behind my baseball team.
Milwaukee: The final years of Trevor Hoffman’s career. I deserve them!

Los Angeles: Matt Kemp and Rihanna.
San Francisco: Buster Posey and every prospect in your farm system. That’s about what Sabean’s used to paying for veterans, yes?

Arizona: Any and all left over purple and gold uniforms.
Colorado: A no-hitter (well, a real no-hitter, not one with 6 walks).

Got that, Jed? Don’t get too hopeful on those demands for Florida. After all, this is San Diego; the Gulls and the Sockers have been our most successful sports teams.


Liz said...

Kansas City could you give you REAL Kansas City bbq, not that junk they sell in the Top Gun Hut.

A-Rod's Crooked Path said...

Is Hoyer going the gay way? Or the straight way?

Violet Bickerstaff said...

Locker room fight between Eckstein and Cabrera: