Monday, April 19, 2010

Dallas' Diary Padres V. Diamondbacks 4/18

I start the season of my game day diaries off right - by going to the game! Not only was this my first trip to Petco this year, but it was also the first Padre game I got to watch from start to finish! It is very exciting. Also, I’m looking for a permanent name for my “running” diaries. I turn to the Kept Faith readers for ideas…

Without further Abu, here are the events that transpired at the Padre game Sunday April 18th

TOP OF THE 1ST INNING

- Chris Young was scheduled to start this game but was placed on the DL - again. I think since he got punched in the face by a baseball he’s been cursed. I call it “The Curse of the Overrated Pitcher”. So starting in his place is Wade LeBlanc, who sounds less like a pitcher and more like a member of the Brat Pack along with Judd Nelson and Andrew McCarthy.

- I’m attending this game with friend and fellow Kept Faith writer Josh Elwell. He’s undyingly supportive of everything the Padres do - it’s his weakness. EXAMPLE: He just dubbed LeBlanc “the future”. LeBlanc has been in the league for five years, to which Josh replied, “That’s what we need up there, a nice veteran presence.”

- LeBlanc looks like a mess as Mark Reynolds singles in Tony Abreu, the younger brother of Bobby (Kennedy). Hey remember Tony Batista?

In between the sides they show a montage on the Jumbotron of the Padres season highlights - there were three highlights.

BOTTOM OF THE 1ST

- Jerry Hairston, Jr is starting instead of David Eckstein. I’m not happy.

- Ian Kennedy is on the mound for the D’Backs, the younger and lesser-known brother of Bobby (Abreu).

- Josh just met our seat neighbors. They are an old couple. The man is wearing headphones and listening to the game on the radio. I love him.

END OF THE 1ST: PADS - 0 D’BACKS - 1

TOP OF THE 2ND INNING

- Rusty Ryal is leading off the inning for the D’Backs. Isn’t that a name that 989 Sports generated for MLB: The Show? He lives up to his first name and strikes out.

- Ian Kennedy (The Pitcher) singles.

- Hairston Jr. snags the 3rd out with a pretty sweet play. If Josh tells me we should cut Eckstein one more time I’m going to punch him in the face with a baseball.

BOTTOM OF THE 2ND

- Josh just said the following: “I hope Veneble fights Pujols again this year. Best rivalry in the league.”

- KEPT FAITH READER POLL: As a young kid who do you think Kyle Blanks looked up to more as a player - Jackie Robinson, Deion Sanders or David Justice?

END OF THE 2ND: PADS - 0 D’BACKS - 1

TOP OF THE 3RD INNING

- Food Break! Josh and I got what I’m calling the Kept Faith Combo #1: A hot dog and a slice of Oggi’s pizza.

- While walking back to our seats I heard the following two sentences from two different rows:

“It’s hard to find good Christian fellowship.”

“LeBlanc will probably pitch through the 7th

- As odd as the first sentence was, the second one actually made Josh and I mad. It was the 3rd and LeBlanc had already thrown 60 pitches! He won’t make it past the 5th let alone the 7th!

BOTTOM OF THE 3RD

- LeBlanc breaks up Kennedy’s no-hitter with a single! The Jumbotron puts up the word “Rammycackle!” Is that what you call it when the only hit your team has through three is delivered by the pitcher?

END OF THE 3RD: PADS - O D’BACKS - 1

TOP OF THE 4TH INNING

- Mark Reynolds gets another hit.

- Chris Young is up to bat. Do you think it makes our Chris Young jealous that another Chris Young is actually playing OR do you think he’s just happy that there is a Chris Young on the field?

- LeBlanc gets out of a bases loaded jam with a nice play by Cabrera! “I guess LeBlanc gets by with a little help from his Nicaraguans.”**

In between the sides we all stood up and applauded the Marines that come to every Sunday game. The Padres are the official team of the military and I really wonder if the military feels cheated by this.

BOTTOM OF THE 4TH

- The game has come to a screeching halt. Both pitchers have been working at a Steve Trachsel pace. The fat kid with the faux hawk and Iron Maiden shirt just left. You know it’s getting boring when that happens.

- Let me take a minute though and say there is nothing better than day baseball. Holy Lord. You are immediately experiencing a historical part of America’s Pastime. It really doesn’t get any better.

END OF THE 4TH: PADS - 0 D’BACKS - 1

In between innings the new in-game host, Jeff Krapf, picked a fan to play the Jack in the Box “under the cone” game. If the fan guesses right everyone gets free tacos. He guesses right. The crowd literally reacts like we just won the World Series.

1) I played the “under the cone” game last season and picked cone number two. I was on mic in the stadium and said “I think I’m gonna have to drop a deuce and pick number two.” I still get people who were at the game coming up to me yelling, “Drop a deuce!” I am a Padre Hall of Famer.

2) I applied for Jeff Krapf’s in-game hosting job. I made it to the 2nd round. I obviously didn’t get hired, but Jeff looks like a reject from Road Rules. I immediately hate him.

TOP OF THE 5TH INNING

- LeBlanc sits them down in order.

- AND! A Jersey Shore reject just walked by with her ass cheeks hanging out of her shorts. I yelled, “I can see your ass!” No reply. If she watches more than three minutes of the game I will buy her some pants.

BOTTOM OF THE 5TH

- Surprise! LeBlanc being pinch-hit for by Tony Gwynn…junior!

- It matters not, Gwynn grounds out.

- Cabrera doubles! The place goes nuts for a double! Yes, it’s been that kind of a game.

- …And Jerry Hairston pops out to end the inning HOORAY!

END OF THE 5TH: PADS - 0 D’BACKS - 1

Jeff Krapf is a tool.

TOP OF THE 6TH INNING

- Miller Lite flashes an ad that reads, “Padres fans demand greatness”. Either that’s a blanket ad Miller does for every team just replacing the name at each stadium OR Miller Lite doesn’t know shit about the Padres.

- LeBlanc out Edward Mujica in.

- Mark Reynolds homers off Mujica. (Side Note: as soon as they announced Mujica I turned to Josh and said “Oh, God.” How many times can I be right in one game?)

- Rusty Ryal up to bat! He pops out.

BOTTOM OF THE 6TH

- A-Gonz up to bat and singles. Thank God, we just hat-tricked!

- Headley walks.

- Veneble pops out.

- Blanks grounds into a double play.

- Does this sound familiar?

END OF THE 6TH: PADS - 0 DOUCHEBACKS - 2

TOP OF THE 7TH INNING

- Ass Shorts just walked by with her boyfriend who was wearing board shorts, a straight billed cap and a Billabong shirt, it’s all starting to make sense…

BOTTOM OF THE 7TH

- Scott Hairston (Who I want to start calling “Scoot”.) leads off with a homerun. I didn’t see it. Why? The fucking Pad Squad was standing in my way throwing crap to people who didn’t even care a homerun had been hit.

- Eckstein, my hero, who people now refer to as “The Bobblehead”? Lines out. Damn. It’s okay buddy. He did however watch ten pitches. AT-A-BOY BOBBLEHEAD!

- Hey Ass Shorts has a friend! I’m dubbing her Ass Skirt.

- I’m now praying a foul ball will strike this Pad Squad guy in the head. THROW YOUR CRAP AND LEAVE MY SECTION IN PEACE!

- Cabrera singles. Steals second.

- Hairston Jr. doubles in Cabrera - tie game!

- Oh I should mention Aaron Heilman has been pitching and this is his 5th Major League team. It’s all starting to make sense…AND, as I’m writing this Heilman is taken out for Juan Gutierrez.

- They are walking A-Gonz to get to Headley. They did this on Friday night and Headley hit a game-winning walk-off 3-run homerun. HISTORY…REPEATS ITSELF! And them some! We just witnessed one of the most amazing plays in baseball - an inside the park homerun! True it was actually a triple with an error, but who cares! It’s awesome!

END OF THE 7TH: FRIARS - 5 D’BACKS - 2

TOP OF THE 8TH INNING

- Mike Adams in to pitch.

- Hey Ass Shorts, Ass Skirt (Who is also wearing two-inch heels.) and crew are leaving. Weird. I wonder if I asked her the score she could tell me.

- Adams uses nine pitches to get three outs. I like Mike Adams.

BOTTOM OF THE 8TH

- The Pads go down in order. No big deal because here comes…

END OF THE 8TH: PADS - 5 DPBACKS - 2

TOP OF THE 9TH INNING

- …Heath Bell! He comes running full speed in from the bullpen a la John Rocker. He’s awesome. It’s like if John Rocker and Rod Beck had a funny un-racist baby. His entrance music sucks pretty badly. He is literally Trevor Hoffman’s opposite in every way available.

- I lose track a bit as the game takes over and I’m on my feet most of this inning. The D’Backs score but Bell gets the SAVE!

- WE SWEEP THE DIAMONDBACKS!

As soon as we won the stadium PA played “Bro-Hymn” by Pennywise. I don’t like Pennywise all that much, but this song is rad and most of the crowd seems to know it. I really hope this sticks. It’s like “I Love LA” or “New York, New York”. I’m serious. Just imagine us beating the Cubs that song comes on and we scare the crap out of all the stupid Cubs fans by singing the chorus to “Bro-Hymn” in unison. God I hope this is a thing. I’m gonna find out and if it’s not I’m campaigning for it to be.

Well, that’s the first Diary of the season. Hope you enjoyed it. Please submit some name ideas for the Diary. I’m stuck with some pretty bad ones.

GO PADS!

**I put that line in quotes to make it appear that some one else said it.


9 comments:

red said...

Thanks for reminding me to Google "Rammycackle." Apparently, it means "line drive." Why didn't they just put "line drive" on the Jumbotron?

Also, the new in-game guy is the worst! Makes me miss Weisbarth. Hell, even that terrible girl who filled in for Weisbarth last year was better than this new guy. He should be punched in the face with a baseball.

Anonymous said...

Hey guys.....new in game host here. I'm having a great time out there with you fans this year. It's been an exciting first homestand. I see you guys aren't a fan of me so much. I want to take this opportunity to get some feedback from you guys. What are your likes and dislikes? You're obviously big Padre fans and my job is to cater to fans like you at the same time create some entertainment value. So lets hear it....

Wy-cleft John Moores said...

Hi Jeff Krapf,

It's not that people don't like you, it's not you're not senile like the rest of the team. From your Linkedin profile we see that you were a...

"Presenter at Nintendo's presentation speaker for new game release"

and a...

"Live Event Host at Ca Lottery Make Me A Millionaire"

Although, now that I think about it: you've gone from the Legend of Zelda to the Legend of Enberg so that probably works. Not to mention the fact that Jerry Coleman has always dreamed of riding Yoshi the dragon. If you can make that happen, people will love you. AND!... now there will be a real purpose behind Mark Grant's jumping up and hitting his head on those brick walls. He's obviously been trying to get coins. Especially now that he's lost some of his feed-lot endorsements.

As for hosting the lottery show, that ties in to baseball as well. As a form of legalized gambling, it's no different from fantasy baseball. We all love fantasy baseball. In fact, next year would you be willing to host our fantasy baseball draft via podcast? My grandparents in Miami Beach couldn't make it this year and they were mad that there was no online feed. Grandpa was pissed when he heard that I took Nick Markakis in the fifth round! Although his anger could be the result of a more deep rooted angst toward the Greeks.

Also, your promotion of AMP energy drinks -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VH7t_m4ZYUM -- at the beach is legit! If there's one thing San Diego needs, it's meatheads with more energy! That way, that can do things like

a. lift up a bus
b. lift up a busstop
c. bench press a stopped bus

Also, giving free energy drinks to beach bunnies is good because I've noticed lately they don't talk enough nonsense on their cell phones. Will AMP help them txt more too?!

Anywho, if we're speaking BRO HYMN then you're the man.

Jeff Krapf said...

You've done some homework on me Wy- cleft. My Nintendo days were fun. Love the Mark Grant brick bashing for coins line. I've done many things over the years as a live event announcer and tv host but being able to work with the Padres is the current topper. No matter how many shows or events I do there's nothing like being able to stay home in SD and do what you love at a sporting event you've loved all your life. Petco Park and baseball is a fantastic stage to be on 81 days out of the year. It also allows me to make friends with Padre fans like Red and Dallas. I can tell that Red, Dallas, and I are going to be friends for life. Look forward to the Padres sweeping the Giants this series. I'll be stopping by the best seat in the house at tonight's game as usual and going to have to point to Eckstein's ball mark on the brick wall from his walk off last night! See you guys at the game!

Dallas. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dallas. said...

If Jeff Krapf is really posting these things on this site then...
1) You obviously google yourself, often.
2) You are staying true to the Padre "always upbeat no matter how crappy things get or how much crap people talk about you". It's almost refreshing.
3) The Padres just sent me an e-mail today officially letting me know that I didn't get your job.
4) I don't hate you or think you suck. I just think your position (Held by Weisbarth - huge tool - last year.) is a problem. It is a distraction from the game. It bothers me. I want people to enjoy watching the game, not worrying about the best seat in the house.
5) You do have a cool job and I bet you love it. Who wouldn't?
6) If this is really you, I will be at the game tonight and I want a sign. During the "under the cone" game - don't say 2, say duece. Do it and I'll never talk crap about you again.

Jeff Krapf said...

I don't mind the crap talking. I've googled myself after this week just to get feedback from the bloggers out there. Being the new guy following John can be a little tough. It's been interesting. I don't take it seriously. I can't. Sounds like you know what it's like being in the spotlight so you know what I mean. Being in the spotlight in anything in life will put you in front of the bulls out there...grab it by the horns or let it run over you. It keeps me on my feet. As for the distraction during the game, I hear what you're saying. But, on the other hand many people that go to the games aren't as hard core about baseball as we are. The kids like the goofy fun games and free stuff from the Pad Squad. That's where people like you and I come in. We break up the game with the lighter side of baseball. I will do my best to remember "duece" tonight. I like your site. Keep on keepin' it real. Don't worry about hurt feelings. Goes with the territory. See you at the game!

Joe said...

Amazing!

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