My Two Uncles

By Nick McCann

Last night I had Mexican food with my two cool (and only) uncles. They are my mom’s two older brothers and they don’t have any sons. Steve, a doctor from Pittsburgh, is a Penguins, Steelers, and Pirates fan, while my other uncle, Jay, is a Dodgers, Giants, Warriors, San Jose Sharks, Lakers, Raiders, and USC fan who has lived in the Bay Area for most of his adult life. Steve really only cares about tennis, and Jay is a republican that still rooted for Barry Bonds after 2003, because in context of sports, he has been infected by the evil that comes along with being a Raiders fan.

Whenever the three of us get together, the state of our teams always set the tone for the shit talking that takes place. Last night, I took shit from a Pirates fan because they are better than us this year. This didn’t feel good, because they aren’t that much better. The Pirates are in the middle of a record breaking 16th straight losing season, and their fans have the upper hand on us, because we are on their level, even though we expect more. We are kind of like Molly Ringwald having to hang out with Anthony Micheal Hall in detention.

The whole evening was for the purpose of my uncles to meet my girlfriend. Basically, I was sitting there with a shit talking Pirates fan that had joined forces with a Dodger/Giants/Raiders/GOP fan, only to be indirectly aided by my girlfriend- a spoiled Boston sports fanatic who thinks the NL is a JV league.

But hey, we split the series with Pirates. I guess it could have been worse.