Thursday, May 13, 2010

Et tu, Chandler?

This is hard for me to write. I don't know how to say this, but i fear that among us is a traitor. I know what you are saying...

"Sean. You are a Giants fan, YOU are a traitor."

To that I say this, YES, I am a Giants fan. I grew up in the Bay Area, and I cut my teeth on baseball watching games at Candlestick Park. Will Clark was my Tony Gwynn, and I have no regrets about this. BUT, the Padres still remain a close second in my heart. I've spent the last 20 years of my life in San Diego, and have kept the faith with the best of them. And the reason they let me write for TKF, the one unifying thing that brings us together, is that above all else I HATE THE STINKING DODGERS. When I was a child, i prayed to the lord to protect me from Satan, burglars, and Tommy Lasorda. Oh, and The Night Stalker, who was also from LA and kind of looks like James Loney if he had long hair.

That is why it pains me to show you this. Three weeks ago, while visiting one of my closest friends and fellow The Kept Faith writer Joe Chandler's house, I saw this:

Now upon first view, the thing that may upset you the most is the Mariners #1 fan magnet. To be honest, this doesn't bother me at all. Everyone who read Joe's post this week will know that he is not the Mariners #1 fan (although he does love that crrrrazzzy Ichiro!). But if he did love the Mariners, I would have no problem with that. I feel like all fans of an NL team are also allowed to have another AL team that they follow and root for. I love the A's. But i would still root for the Giants in a Bay Bridge series. I did in 1989, even when God tried to destroy both teams (AND MOM AND DAD TOO, IT WORKED) with an earthquake. We now know he was really trying to destroy Canseco. Hey God, nice shot.

The Dodger schedule, you say, is up there just because Joe lives in LA. Maaaaayyyybeeee. But if that was true, how can you explain THIS:

Jonathan Broxton Bobblehead Night. CIRCLED. Wow Joe, WOW. I have to tell you, faithful reader, that last year when I went to my first game at Dodger Stadium (after bathing in holy water and stuffing garlic in my underpants), I arrived to find out that it was Tommy Lasorda plaque night. I instantly started checking my pockets for silver bullets. Upon passing through the turnstile, i promptly turned down my free plaque with a silent wave of the hand. With Mecca-like reverence, I looked north and then south, believing wholeheartedly that somewhere Steve Garvey went for a brown shirt instead of a blue shirt, and that somewhere else at a fancy restaurant Steve Sax's credit card was declined.

Joe, I hope that you have a good explanation for this. I know you drafted Broxton in our Fantasy Baseball league (waaaaay too early, by the way). I hope you recognize that simply putting up a Dodger schedule on your fridge is inviting the devil into your home. It's not just a means to see when a team you love is playing in the town you reside in, it's also the gateway drug to becoming a total a-hole.

LA invades SD tomorrow for the first time this season, and it's a big deal. I'm installing new locks on all of our doors and sharpening the knives. And while at this point in the season with the Padres pulling ahead of my Giants and the Dodgers scraping the bottom of the crap barre,l I technically should be rooting for LA. But i tell you this: Root for the Dodgers? Not in a million years. Never. Ever. Beat LA, San Diego. Beat 'em good.


Dallas. said...

I was also at Tommy Lasorda night - wearing a Tony Gwynn shirt.

Bill H said...

If your going to accuse anyone of looking like the Night Stalker it would be Jamey Carroll and Not Loney. Obviously you didn't have the image of the night stalker burned into your head like us So Cal kids did back in the day. Beat SD!

James "Bah" Loney said...

Perhaps the desire to own a Broxton doll is more of a fetish thing. It's the only doll where the thighs are bigger than the head. I want one to put next to my Aki Iwamura bobblehead, er bobblelegs. Thick thighs, no felonies... A GM's dream.