Dallas' Running Diary Padres V. Cardinals 5/25

First off let me say I was excited about seeing this game for a couple reasons:

1. I had a great group going with me: Fellow Kept Faith writers Josh Elwell and Sean O’Donnell, Matt Gorney and his Dad and a player to be named later.
2. Josh Elwell’s countless comments about Will Venable fighting Albert Pujols.

Now, because I had a large group coming I ended up having to wait for the last guy, which meant I had to miss the beginning of the game. It was a bummer but worth it as I was waiting for Josh Kemble - San Diego music legend and current bigwig at Phil’s BBQ (the best BBQ for miles and miles)!

I sat down just in time to see the Petco Pets Bloopers! Wow, these pets are hilarious! And, apparently people will film anything.

TOP OF THE 2^ND INNING

• Skip Schumaker grounds out. Not significant other than the fact he has my favorite name in Baseball.
• Jon “Judy” Garland just gave up a hit to the opposing pitcher Adam Wainwright. I have no proof that Jon and Judy are related but they both did wear number 27.

Josh is daring me to ask the guy next to me if he’s Chase Headley’s brother. His basis for this dare, “How do you know it’s not him?”

BOTTOM OF THE 2^ND

• Wainwright looks sharp.
• Oh wait…Jerry Hairston Jr. hits a bomb to Left! As everyone stands up to celebrate I get a nice ass crack shot of the guy in front of me. Like a lot of ass crack.
• Chris “El Dorkio” Denorfia strikes out.

END OF THE INNING: PADS - 1 CARDINALS - 0

TOP OF THE 3^RD INNING

• Pujols up. He ropes one to Center. Kemble yells out, “He poo-holed that one!” Cheesy yes, but funny when yelled.
• Colby Rasmus looks like a retarded Ralph Macchio.
• Garland looks really shaky tonight. He’s still effective, but 60 pitches through 3 innings? Auntie Em!

Jeff Krapf on the field doing the Padres Little Star of the Game. As he intros the segment Mr. Gorney sits back and says, “Blah blah blah.” He’s been a Padres fan longer than I’ve been alive, so he can say whatever he wants and it’s never wrong.

BOTTOM OF THE 3^RD

• Time to seriously talk about Tony Gwynn JUNIOR’s future. A .186 average is embarrassing. It’s worse than Oscar Salazar and we all know how I feel about him. (Scab! Not actually. But, really.)
• Venable smacks one to right and Ryan Ludwick makes an amazing catch! While making the catch he also ran into the small right field jumbotron. So, while robbing Venable he also ran into his face. Is that what happens when someone ‘got served’?

END OF THE INNING: PADS - 1 CARDS - 0

TOP OF THE 4^TH INNING

• David Freese (who we gave away in the Jim Edmonds deal) hits a broken bat single.
• Yorvit throws out Freese trying to steal 2^nd! Kemble yells, “Freese Tag!” Cheesy yes, but funny when yelled.

We didn’t win the tacos.

BOTTOM OF THE 4^TH

• Okay, since the homerun Wainwright has gone back to cruising. He literally just made A-Gonz look like a junior varsity bench player.

END OF THE INNING: PADS - 1 CARDS - 0

Jeff Krapf is encouraging the fans to vote in every single Padre to the All-Star team. I bet everyone reading this $5 that we don’t get one starter on that team.

TOP OF THE 5^TH INNING

• I just saw a woman wearing a bedazzled Padres jacket. Sometimes I hate what Alyssa Milano is doing to this sport.
• KOOOOUUUUUZZZZZ! Chase Headley makes an amazing play at 3^rd!

BOTTOM OF THE 5^TH

• Yorvit smokes a single, then steals 2^nd on a Hairston Jr. strike out.
• Chris “Vincent D’Onofrio” Denorfia strikes out.
• Tony Gywnn JUNIOR up. Sean yells, “AVENGE YOUR FATHER!” So, he walks.
• Judy Garland strikes out. Sorry Yorvit, there’s no place like home and you don’t get to go there.

END OF THE INNING: PADS - 1 CARDS - 0

TOP OF THE 6^TH INNING

• Headley makes another great play. Every time he makes a good play they should play “It’s Headley!” from Blazing Saddles over the PA system.

Jeff Krapf has started doing this Ric Flair kinda “Whooo!” thing at the end of all his segments. The last time he asked the crowd to do it with him. I don’t hate it, but I want to. God, do I want to…

BOTTOM OF THE 6^TH

• Venable singles. Surprisingly this is the first time Josh mentions their fight last year. He really wants them to fight again and right now. So does everyone else.
• They don’t.
• The Bobblehead Davey Eckstein is up! Hittin’ .306 now - At-a-boy!
• Venable to 2^nd on Eckstein’s ground out.
• A-Gonz just got the hat trick of strikeouts!

END OF THE INNING: PADS - 1 CARDS - 0

A girl who apparently is a bachelorette on a party just ran down and asked the Cardinal bullpen for a ball. The Bullpen coach, Marty Mason, said he’d give her one if she danced. She did. He threw her a ball. Now, that’s a good coach.

TOP OF THE 7^TH INNING

• Garland gets out of another jam! That’s his 3^rd today. We’ll call that one the Lion jam. The others could have been called the Scarecrow and the Tin Man.

BOTTOM OF THE 7^TH

• Jerry Hairston hits a single up the middle as Kemble turns and says, “Now there’s a junior we can be proud of.”
• Chris “Dora the Explorer” Denorfia singles.
• Gywnn hates his Dad and pops up.

END OF THE INNING: PADS - 1 CARDS - 0

TOP OF THE 8^TH INNING

• Sean asked me to write that Ruth Adams is in to pitch for the Padres. He also wants everyone to know that I more than likely have his copy of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 The Movie.
• Mike “Ruth” Adams has a nice little 1-2-3 inning.
• Sean now wants me to write that he was wrong - it was not Ruth Adams.

BOTTOM OF THE 8^TH

• I’m now watching Luis Durango’s first at bat of the year. I wanted this and now I got it. He pops up. Oh well.
• Denny Reyes is on the mound for the Cardinals. He is a big man. Like Beast from X-Men big. Well, more like Kelsey Grammar from X-Men rehearsals big.
• A-Gonz strikes out. NUMBER FOUR! (I can almost smell Clay Buchholz in the locker room.)

END OF THE INNING: PADS -1 CARDS - 0

TOP OF THE 9^TH INNING

• It’s Trevo…Heath Time! That’s right ladies and gentlemen, world-class sprinter Heath Bell comes in to close this baby out.
• He has the heart of the order. Pujols V. Bell. Pujols wins with a single.
• Holliday up. Metallica plays. One down.
• Now, as usual I’m standing up and not paying much attention to writing. I made some Yadier Molina joke, and Kemble keeps chanting “Beat LA”. The Cardinals bullpen looks like a bunch of lumberjacks and Heath Bell gets the save!

END OF GAME: PADS - 1 CARDINALS - 0

I can’t say I like the Hockey score, but it was a fast game and kept us on edge anytime someone got on base. The biggest thing I took away from this game is that we really need to look at our outfield situation. I do think Will Venable is good and if he can stay in the lead off spot he’ll flourish and so will the team. Blanks is MIA till someone says otherwise. Gywnn either needs to turn something on or get released. Sorry Tony Sr. he’s not you and every one in this town wants him to be. It’s no ones fault, but it has to be dealt with. I think we need to keep Durango up till the All-Star break and see what he does. He’s fast and proven in the short term he can hit big league pitching. You know, its days like this I miss Mike Darr.