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Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Welcome to Petco, Charger fans.
Welcome to Petco, Charger fans. My name's Josh and I’ll be your tour guide.
To the left you’ll see former Cardinal home run hitter and current Padre double play hitter Ryan Ludwick.
To the right you’ll see Jorge Cantu and Brad Hawpe arguing over who’ll make us forget about Adrian Gonzalez. The answer? C. None of the above.
Up the middle are three guys we’re just getting to know ourselves. Mr’s Hudson, Bartlett, and Maybin. They’re all new to the team and it turns out they’re the ones replacing Adrian. It's hard to explain, but our offense will actually be better this year, even after losing the only guy who hits HRs at Petco. It's true. All the credit goes to Jed Hoyer, our wonderful GM. Oh yeah! Almost forgot to mention that. We have a likable GM. Good lucking getting used to that.
We understand you’re only here until the NFL lockout gets resolved. But please, grab a $5 beer, stay awhile. You know all those crushed dreams you have of a Chargers championship? The Padres wouldn't dare build you up like that. Our ace pitcher is already on the DL! Less expectations? Less disappointment.
So leave those expectations on the new bridge that lets you cross over Harbor Dr. to get to the park. Oh! I didn’t tell you that yet!? Yep, we have a new bridge. And it cost a lot of money. Here it is:
We also have a very affordable 20-game season ticket plan. (I’m actually on this exact plan! Come hang out with me!)
Opening Day's today. We take on the Giants. Come. Root against them. I know that that'll put you in the minority of the people attending, but do it anyway. We want Maybin to stay awhile.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
My 2011 Season Predictions.
Since I was right about last years World Series winner I have even more pressure this year. Pressure from myself mind you, no one else cares. And I mean no one. However, like always I will do my very best and all of these picks are real. Like the Real World season two. The one with Dominick and the cowboy. Here we go (said as if we you were sliding down a slide.)!
Let’s start with the AL, or as I like to call it: the American League:
AL East:
-The Yankees’ season is cursed on week two when Scott Brosius wearing a long black cloak walks to the pitchers mound, points a boney finger at Phil Hughes and says, “Beeeewwwwaaarrreee.” They go on to lose 90 games and Phil Hughes is turned into stone.
-The Rays decide on a new promotional night for fans where the players dress like their favorite Ray! Evan Longoria dresses like Ray Liotta and Matt Garza like Ray Kinsella, but the night ends tragically when Manny, dressed as Ray Charles, throws a ball into the stands and hits the one fan in attendance square between the eyes.
-The Orioles show a lot of promise in April.
-The Blue Jays change their name to the Canada Blues. They lose 115 games and Adam Lind goes on to have the best-selling jersey of the year.
-The Red Sox have Adrian. (Sigh)
AL EAST CHAMP: The Red Sox. Adrian. (Sigh)
AL Central:
- The Twins officially retire Justin Morneau without his knowledge. When he shows up they just tell him to “go to the booth” where he begins a long lengthy broadcast career without his knowledge.
- The White Sox continue to start a pitching staff that is almost as boring as this sentence. They win 90 games.
- The Tigers give Miguel Cabrera one more chance to pull his life together. Once he doesn’t the Tigers give him another chance and then another one. Jim Leyland finally strangles him to death to which the Tigers respond by signing Cabrera to a 6-year extension.
- The Indians excited by the “hype” surrounding Charlie Sheen sign him to a 1-yr deal as a closer. The one stipulation: He must change his name to Rick Vaughn. Sadly, no one calls Corbin Bernsen. Emilio Estevez is also made 3rd base coach.
- The Royals call meetings with Major League brass to update their image but all the numbers they call are “out of service”.
AL CENTRAL CHAMP: The Tigers
AL West:
- The Angels announce that the angels they have always meant to represent come from the Mormon religion forcing the team to live by BYU’s student conduct handbook. By the all-star break only Torii Hunter and Jered Weaver are not suspended. They still win 89 games.
- The A’s try something new in 2011: starting a team no one has ever heard of. The idea works great and they end up successfully moving their team anywhere else.
- The Rangers stunned by the success of Colby Lewis move their franchise to Japan and win every Championship till the end of time (May 21st, 2011).
- The Mariners are a really bad team.
AL WEST CHAMPS: The Angels
WILD CARD: New York Yankees
AMERICAN LEAGUE CHAMPS: Boston Red Sox
Now on to the NL or as I like to call it, The League That Used to Have Adrian.
NL East:
- The Mets donate $300 billion to Bud Selig’s family securing them the right to win every other game, yet they still somehow lose 114. Someone blames injuries.
- The Braves have a new manager.
- The Marlins draw more fans this year than every MLB team when it’s announced they’ll be using actual marlins for bats. Josh Johnson starves in protest and wins the NL Cy Young.
- The Phillies, now free of Jayson Werth once again gain favor with God and go on to win 161 games. On the flipside…
- The Nationals, now burdened with the demon spawn known as Jayson Werth are forced to build a dome as God continues to rain down hail, snow and lightning anytime Werth starts.
NL EAST CHAMPS: The Phillies
NL Central:
- The Cubs young shortstop phenom Starlin Castro unexpectedly hits 40 homeruns and bats .315 forcing the Cubs into the playoffs. On the way to the locker room he is touched by Bartman and then blown up by Cubs fans ‘just to make sure’.
- The Reds lose 60 games before realizing they were good last year. They try to pull it together, but it’s too as Scott Rolen has already been traded for an older and more injury prone third baseman.
- The Brewers try to trade Zack Greinke after he forces the entire team into depression by May. It fails to happen and Greinke wins 30 games, but absolutely no one is happy about it.
- The Pirates try sooo hard.
- The Astros continue to be a Major League Baseball team and no one really cares.
- The Cardinals continue to have Albert Pujols.
NL CENTRAL CHAMPS: The Brewers
NL West:
- The Diamondbacks hire Kevin Towers and watch as he signs Sean Burroughs to a deal. Wait…that already happened. Um…I’m not sure how I can make fun of that more.
- The Rockies release a statement saying they are no longer responsible for Todd Helton’s actions as he’s now an adult and can do what he wants.
- The Dodgers are all stupid…you know it’s really hard to rip on the Dodgers now that Donnie Baseball is the man in charge. Seriously, as a Padres fan its my duty and I’m failing.
- The Giants blindfold Barry Zito and walk him into a room. They take off the blindfold revealing a room full of hummus, water and an acoustic guitar. They push him down and lock the door. At the end of the season a janitor opens the door to find a decomposing Zito and lyrics to the greatest Jack Johnson song never written on the wall in blood.
- The Padres sign one more aging player trying to bounce back from a terrible 2010, thus putting them over the legal limit.
NL WEST CHAMPS: The Giants
WILDCARD: The Cardinals
NATIONAL LEAGUE CHAMPS: The Phillies
WORLD SERIES CHAMPS: The Phillies
I’m fully aware that these picks look eerily similar to last years, but who cares? Until we hit the salary cap you’ll be seeing the same guys over and over again. That’s a right purist - we need a salary cap. I want a Pirates/Royals World Series! I want it. And so do you, just admit it.
Here’s to a fantastic 2011 Season! Go Pads and Keep the Faith!
Friday, February 11, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
T-Shirt Mania

Nike needs to get off their asses and make one of these for Ryan Klesko.
http://store.nike.com/us/en_us/?l=shop,pdp,ctr-inline/cid-1/pid-357674&cp=usns_0328071544#l=shop,search,searchList-cooperstown%20heritage
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Awesome Story!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
10 things to do while waiting for Spring Training:
1) Listen to the Mighty XX and turn it off every time you hear a woman's voice.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Rub Tony's Knee
The folks over at Gas Lamp Ball have a good plan. Back in college there was a statue of a Tiger that was strikingly realistic when it came to testicles. We launched a campaign to try to change the color of the Tiger's balls, but didn't have the power of the internet behind us. Spread the word. Ease Tony's pain.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
J.B. Smoove comes to San Diego.
Posted this last Friday: "While I'm on the topic of moves that seem inevitable, have we traded for Jason Bartlett yet?" Well, now we've got him. Our 2001 draft pick will finally play a game with the team that drafted him.


Monday, December 6, 2010
The Kenny Powers Career Path: Feat. Scott Williamson.
He gave us 11 innings of relief with a 7.36 ERA in 2006, but now the man who "laughed and joked" his way out of Major League Baseball is attempting a comeback in Mexico. Here's hoping he gets the same chance Kenny Powers will probably be getting in Season 3 of Eastbound and Down.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Emergency Podcast Now Up!
We gathered over the internet to record an emergency Kept Faith podcast about the recent Adrian Gonzalez trade.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Here comes Aaron? Here goes Adrian?

Thursday, December 2, 2010
Preparing for Aaron Harang
Looking through the free agent list, is it inevitable that we end up with Aaron Harang? He's got all the signs of a pitcher on his way to Petco Park for a season. Former ace coming off an injury plagued season looking to rebuild value. San Diego native from Patrick Henry High School. Played college ball for the Aztecs. I'm not saying anything new here. But I am preparing myself for the guy who'll most likely round out our rotation next year.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
The Return of Hoffman?
Buster Olney speculated the return of Trevor Hoffman to the Padres in his column this morning. He cites the move as a potential PR balance if Adrian and Heath are traded by next July's trade deadline. He also says a number of baseball executives are certain Trevor will be back at Petco next season.
Now, I did my share of Hoffman-bashing during the '08 season when he seemed incapable of closing out a game. And I didn't mind when Towers lowballed him with an offer that eventually drove him to the Brewers.
But, I'm just gonna go ahead and say it, I want Trevor Hoffman back.
And I want Heath Bell traded before February, not July.
Putting Hoffman back in the closer role for a final, farewell season -- and I only want this deal if Trevor announces it as his last season -- would surely reinvigorate the 43-year-old, right? He gets to go out on good terms with the team whose hat he'll be wearing in Cooperstown. And he'll have a chance at a little revenge with the guys who pushed him out (Towers and Alderson) each time the Padres visit Chase Field and Citi Field.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Hindsight is 20/20 or The Joe Morgan School of Analyzing!
So at the beginning of the 2010 MLB season I wrote a predictions column. The specifics were ridiculous but the picks were all legitimate. As Q even pointed out in his own predictions column - mine were hard to argue. I was more right than wrong and sans a Justin Morneau injury I could have looked like a friggin’ genius (by the way, I’m pronouncing it “gene-e-us”.)! Let’s have a look back at where I went right and wrong in a new segment I like to call, “Hindsight is 20/20” or “The Joe Morgan School of Analyzing”
The AL West:
I bought in to the Mariners hype. Why? I don’t know, why do you care - lay off asshole! Oh wait, I remember why: Chone Figgins and Cliff Lee. Yeah…maybe I should have stuck with the first response in this paragraph. In retrospect though they didn’t have much competition in the division. The Angels had the best chance, but also had a very uninspiring lineup and lost their best pitcher. The A’s are a joke. The Rangers had zero pitching, and there is no way anyone knew Colby Lewis was going to be a stud. For God’s sake the guy played for the Hiroshima Toyo Carp last year! You know who also played for the Carp? Alex Ochoa. I rest my case.
My Pick: Mariners.
Actual Winners: Rangers
The AL Central:
As I predicted the Twins took control from pretty much day one. What a lineup! As a baseball fan I sincerely hope they can keep it together.
My Pick: Twins
Actual Winners: Twins
The AL East:
The Rays kept the magic of Dennis Quaid going and won the division. Even though I picked the Yankees you can’t really blame me. I was only off by a game and the Rays were one long losing streak away from trading off Longoria, Price and Crawford. But don’t fret Tampa fans, they’ll all be gone soon enough! Oh and how did I know the Red Sox wouldn’t be a factor this season? They are still paying David Ortiz and Jason Varitek. That’s like the Padres still paying Phil Nevin and Jim Leyritz.
My Pick: Yankees
Actual Winners: Rays
The Wild Card:
I picked the Tigers because of my deep love for Jim Leyland. And I feel my Tigers joke was the best in that column. But, it wasn’t like I was out of my mind on that pick. Who would be their real competition for the wild card? Yankees, Angels, White Sox and Red Sox. We’ve already explained the Angels and Red Sox; I had already picked the Yankees to win a division and the White Sox are coached by a crazy person. They were also dumping money into Jake Peavy, which is almost a bigger mistake than Peavy’s Collins Family Jewelers ads.
My Pick: Tigers
Actual Winners: Yankees
AL Champs:
Every year there seems to be one team that surprises everyone and this year it was obviously the Rangers. The Yankees somehow didn’t have enough pitching (and somehow we all knew it.) to beat a team with heavy hitters, which is why I had the Twins getting past them. The Twins have a nice mix of power hitters and small ball guys but also rely heavily on team chemistry. When Morneau went down I think everyone (including the Twins themselves) knew it was over. I will also maintain that if the Rangers don’t get Cliff Lee they don’t make it past the Rays. By the way kudos to Nolan Ryan and Co. for swooping in and stealing Lee from the Yankees. Remember when Ryan beat up Robin Ventura? You always should. He’s a badass.
My Pick: Twins
Actual Winners: Rangers
NL West:
Talk about surprises, no one had any idea the Padres would have played as well as they did. The only problem was that the division was wide open from day one and any team could have taken it - all they needed was a hot streak and the Padres lost theirs at the worst time possible. In the end it wasn’t the Giants that beat Padres (the season series was 12-6 Padres), it was the Padres who beat themselves. At the end of the season they lost control against the hapless Cubs and the terribly bad Dodgers. They did all they could to lose the division, which is why the Padres slogan is “Keep The Faith”. The Giants pitching was just too dominant to ignore and Brian Wilson really came into his own (and spent most of his money on beard dye.) while they picked up rejects and veterans with something to prove. It was a perfect combination to challenge the rest of the League and it proved gene-e-us.
My Pick: Giants
Actual Winners: Giants
NL Central:
Looking back this was my worst prediction of the bunch. I have no clue why I picked the Cubs. Nostalgia maybe? Wishing the best for a tormented franchise? Stupidity? I blame Bartman. The Cardinals had the best chance on paper, but sometimes-even baseball gets bored of the same team always winning. At this point watching Albert Pujols hitting a homerun is about as exciting as watching Rip Taylor throw confetti. The Pirates - pitiful, the Astros - hilarious, the Brewers - possible but not reliable and this all leaves the one team I believe in every year, but no one else does- The Reds. How did Dusty finally put it together? A solid lineup and decent pitching can definitely get you through a lackluster division, but it won’t do much in the first round against the Phillies. If Joey Votto could pitch the Reds might have had a chance. It was the NL’s version of the surprise Rangers just without the Cliff Lee pickup.
My Pick: Cubs (Idiot!)
Actual Winners: Reds
NL East:
No shocker here. The Phillies had it the whole time and anyone who thought differently probably picked the Cubs to win the Central. The Braves surged and Heyward is the future, but they didn’t have enough this season to take down the mighty Phils. Don’t kid yourself however the reign of the Phillies is over and they will look about 25-55% different next season. It’s not like the Mets would ever put it together and the Marlins have signed a deal with Major League Baseball to stop winning the World Series. The Nationals are almost comically bad and even if Strasburg won 30 games they would have still lost the other 132. I’ll actually predict the Braves to win this division for the next three years.
My Pick: Phillies
Actual Winners: Phillies
Wildcard:
I picked the Cardinals to cover my ass on the terrible Cubs decision. Again, on paper I should have been right. The Braves did what they do best under Bobby Cox and won. I shouldn’t have counted them out, but did not totally buy in to the energy Heyward would bring to the franchise.
My Pick: Cardinals
Actual Winners: Braves
NL Champs:
Why did I have the feeling that no one could beat the Giants this season? I just did. With Bochy actually awake for all nine innings and Lincecum the stud of all 14-yr old boys it seemed impossible to get past them. The Phillies seemed like the safe pick especially with Halladay on board but it just didn’t feel right. Sometimes it just feels good to have a hunch and be totally correct. Thank you.
My Pick: Giants
Actual Winners: Giants
World Series:
Based on my predictions column the Giants would square off against the Twins in the lowest rated World Series of all time in which the Giants would dominate and that all seemed totally plausible. They are very similar teams, similar bullpens, managers and franchises. It would be a battle using real old school baseball fundamentals in which the more old school team would win. According to my predictions the only team coming out of the AL that could have beat the Giants would have been the Yankees. That power heavy lineup would have dismantled the soft and scrappy Gigantes. And remember Bochy is scared shitless of the Yankees. Always has been. I have no actual basis for this theory it just looked that way throughout the entire 1998 World Series. You know that look someone has when they have to poop but have to wait an hour before they’ll get a chance? That was Bochy in ’98. Anyway, aside from my correct Giants pick it also just happened to be the lowest rated World Series in history. Outside of Texas no one cares about the Rangers and the Giants aren’t big enough to draw the whole market themselves. It’s understandable but also incredibly upsetting when ‘Dancing with the Stars’ beats the pants off Game 3.
My Pick: Giants
Actual Winners: Giants
In closing I win. I know it seemed like I was way off with some picks, but in the end I’m pretty sure I was a gene-e-us. Hats off to the Padres for a fantastic season of fun ball. It really doesn’t get much better than the 2010 season and let’s be honest it won’t next season. My 2011 predictions will plop in March! Don’t miss it…or do.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Podcast Ep. 014 now up!
Friday, October 22, 2010
What Happened to the Podcast?
Well, if you are a subscriber the latest episode is now up.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Screw it, Red Bull time. Second inning.
To be fair, I'm pretty sure Heath Bell would give a similar interview in this situation. But this did nothing to remove my image of Brian Wilson as a lunatic. Is it 'cause he's so entertaining that I hate him? Maybe. But it's mainly the him being a lunatic thing.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Do We Also Talk About the Chargers?
It's a rare feeling to be 6 weeks into the NFL season and not really know what's going on. Usually by the time football is starting up the Padres have been in bad shape for months and looking towards the Chargers season is the thing that makes me feel better. This year, the Padres didn't stick to the program and as a result I was paying full attention to their run. I barely thought about Phillip and his bad attitude or the fact that Antonio Gates played basketball in college. Now that the Padres season has come to a close I find that I'd rather take a break from sports than get involved with the Chargers. Maybe by the midpoint I'll be ready to invest some time in a San Diego franchise, but for now I'm still reveling in the afterglow of a Padres season that I'm glad happened.
In the week after October 3rd (never forget) I found myself wondering how I'd look back on this year. Would it be the ten game losing streak that I'd remember? Or would I always think about the tremendous pitching? Around the sixth inning of that last game against the Giants I went to a dark place. I wondered why I had wasted so much time on this team and why I bothered to care. And I wasn't sure if that feeling was going to last. But here I am, two weeks later and I already can't wait for next year. It's been a long time since I was excited about the Padres and I'm thankful that our no-name team got me there. And the most startling aspect of that is that it's revealed my utter lack of investment in the NFL. I've realized now I was just using it to fill in the gaps. So... go Chargers, I guess. I'm certainly pulling for them, but they're not that important. And that's kind of nice to realize.
Besides, we lost to the Raiders for the first time in 7 years. Why do I want to get behind that team?
Keeping the Faith,
Joe



