Monday, May 4, 2009

Dallas' Running Diary of the Padres v. Dodgers Game 5/3

So, I was going to do a running diary of this game and then decided this morning I wouldn’t because I was pretty wrecked from a very fun weekend. HOWEVER, after watching most of the first inning I cracked open the computer and have already got some shit to say. I missed the top of the first inning but we struck out, popped out and grounded out, so who cares:

 1:25pm

BOTTOM OF THE 1ST

I’m half way through the inning and the Padres are already down 3 runs! Chad Gaudin is making his second start for the Pads and is showing why he’s been released or traded more than he’s started in his career. The Dodgers scored their 3 runs by doing something we were doing when we were winning – playing fundamental baseball! We have lost our way. My roommate Travis has just walked out to go fold laundry.

Gaudin nails former Friar and current asshole Mark Loretta with two outs and Loretta heads down to first.

Gaudin strikes out Brad “I’ve Actually Never Been Good” Ausmus and the inning is over. Thank Jesus.

End of the Inning:

PADRES 0 – DOYERS – 3

 1:30pm

The Padres play a commercial for a promotional night they are doing during the upcoming home series versus the Reds (I’ll be going.) in which you can get a free Padres 6-pack cooler. This is a great promotion, but it’s also a big slap-in-the-face reminder that we can’t tailgate anymore. Petco kind of sucks.

 1:32pm

TOP OF THE 2ND

A-Gonz leads off with Chad “I Sound Like I’m A Villain From Animal House” Billingsley. A-Gonz flies out. He is a villain.

Chase Headley up and he legs out a double that drops down the Right Field line.

One out, one on second.

Edgar Gonz in the lineup for Kouz who is taking a day off to think about things. I have always liked Edgar the same way I liked Chris Gwynn.

Channel 4 just showed a shot of Jane Seymour “Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman” in the stands, and right after that Edgar Gonz lines a double through the glove of Juan Pierre, Headley scores. Wow, Dr. Quinn is a miracle worker.

Nick Hundley up. Pops up. Two down.

Luis Rodriguez grounds out. Three outs.

 1:44pm

BOTTOM OF THE 2ND

Fidel Castro singles to start of the bottom of the inning: Wahoo!

Billingsley pops a bunt behind the plate and Nick HUNDLEY MAKES A SWEET ASS CATCH! Oh man, that was gorgeous! Hundley could be a great player in a couple of years – after we trade him.

Juan Pierre (yes, that is a pro baseball player’s name.) grounds into a double play.

End of Inning:

PADRES 1 – DODGERS 3

 1:49pm

TOP OF THE 3RD

Chad Gaudin strikes out to start the inning. Hmm…Chad Gaudin and Chad Billingsley, it’s like the ultimate team of douche bag seniors from any 80’s movie about high school.

Giles, who is batting .154, pops up. Way to go champ!

My golden boy Eckstein takes a 4-pitch walk. I’m glad someone is watching pitches!

Jody Gerut again swings at the first pitch! STOP DOING THAT! Grounds to first and the inning is over. My little boy is stranded.

 1:58pm

BOTTOM OF THE 3RD

Mark Grant is a little lost this game. He’s been a little lost during this losing streak. I think this is really where Matty V. came into help. He just finished a minute long stretch talking about flip-down sunglasses.

Grant then goes into a rant about how the Blue Jays should go back to their old uniforms. I agree since I was on the Blue Jays in little league and kept my hat until it didn’t fit anymore. BUT, the Padres should also go back to the old brown and gold uniforms. Come on Grant – say it, you wuss!

Gaudin strikes out Matt “Shawn” Kemp to end the inning.

PADRES 1 – DODGERS 3

 2:10pm

TOP OF THE 4TH

Quick ups, nothing notable happens except we look baffled by the game of Baseball.

 2:15pm

BOTTOM OF THE 4TH

Gaudin strikes out former Astro Mark Loretta.

Another former Astro (and Padre) Brad Ausmus is up. I’m pretty sure Ausmus was supposed to retire with Bagwell and Biggio but forgot as he was too busy working on his lifetime batting average of .252! Gaudin walks him.

AUSMUS JUST STOLE A FREAKING BASE! He’s 40-years old!

Mark Grant just reminded me why I like him: After Chad Billingsley just popped out he said “He looked more like Barbara Billingsley on that swing.”

Inning over:

PADRES 1 – DICKHEADS 3

 2:26pm

TOP OF THE 5TH

Hundley flies out to center.

Luis Rodriguez strikes out.

Chad Gaudin walks. It kinda sucks that our pitcher is the only one watching pitches.

Giles, after a walk to the pitcher, swings at the first pitch and flies out to left. WHAT THE EFF?! I’m sorry, I was a big Giles supporter, but so far this year he has looked horrible. He used to be able to take pitches and have a great OPS, but now, he just looks like he doesn’t care. I bet we trade him. I’m sorry – I hope we trade him.

 2:35pm

BOTTOM OF THE 5TH

Of course after I talk shit about him Giles makes a great catch to rob James Loney and end the inning. Shut up.

PADRES 1 – DODGERS 3

 2:40pm

TOP OF THE 6TH

Little Davey singles up the middle. Blush.

Gerut flies out to left center.

A-Gonz strikes out while Eckstein steals second with a big smile on his face and mine.

Headley walks.

Wild pitch, Eckstein and Headley advance to 3rd and 2nd respectively.

Edgar Gonz up. The tension has mounted and Edgar Gonz walks. Bases loaded with two outs.

Hundley is now up and I swear if he swings at the first pitch I’m throwing my laptop at the screen. Three straight strikes and Hundley is out swinging. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

 2:59pm

BOTTOM OF THE 6TH

Gaudin strikes out Kemp again.

Former Brewer Mark Loretta flies out to right.

Brad Ausmus singles over the head of Davey Eck. Not hard – he’s 4ft. tall.

Castro singles to left and somehow Ausmus hustles to third.

They’re letting Billingsley bat for himself. (Please read the following sentence like a bitter 17-yr old homosexual male.) Such a Torre move. And just like everything in Torre’s life – it all works out and Chad singles Ausmus home. Shit.

Gaudin is done. Buddy Black making a change for a pitcher named Arturo Lopez. He’s making his 2nd major league career appearance. I smell trouble.

Juan Pierre loops one to center and Castro scores. Told you, my nose never lies.

Orlando Hudson hits a 2-run double and I am spent. Who is Arturo Lopez? The guy who just raised my blood pressure by 10 points, that’s who.

Loney pops up and the inning is over. Ah, if it wasn’t the afternoon, I'd be 4 deep by now!

End of inning:

PADRES 1 – SONSABITCHES 7

 3:16pm

TOP OF THE 7TH

Does anyone feel the way I do that Dodger stadium sucks? I hate that place. Broadcasters always talk about how beautiful it is and I don’t see it. The area around it is lame, the parking is horrific and you can’t walk around the stadium. It also looks like it was designed by the guy who designed the original People Mover for Disneyland.

Giles, trying his best to get back in my good graces, hits a homerun. He’s getting there, but not yet.

Even little Davey is failing on me. Strike out.

But, honestly Dodger stadium is a shit hole.

 3:27pm

BOTTOM OF THE 7TH

You know what Dodger stadium does have that Petco doesn’t (Besides gang fights in the parking lot.)? An organ for ‘Take Me Out To The Ballgame’. I miss that organ.

Luis “G-Baby” Perdomo in to pitch and he quickly sits down the first two batters. I know last time I rode Perdomo, but he’s young and will make mistakes. I hope we can keep him around this season because I actually think he’ll work it out.

Former Red Stocking Mark Loretta up to bat. He grounds out.

End of the inning:

PADRES 2 – DODGERS 7

 3:33pm

I hate Fosters Farms commercials. Can we do something about that? They’re more annoying than the Aflac spots.

 3:34pm

TOP OF THE 8TH

Will Ohman in to pitch for the Doyers.

Gerut smacks a homerun to right. I knew I liked him.

A-Gonz singles through the whole in center. They shifted him and he shifted them! Ha!

And just like that Joe Torre comes out to pull the hook on Ohman. As Mark Grant just said “Oh Man!”, eww. Torre hangs out with Mafia guys, right? He has to. 1) He’s Italian 2) He was the man in Yankee land and 3) He killed a guy.

Ramon Tronscoso in to pitch for the Dodgers.

Headley up with one on and no outs. He strikes out looking.

Edgar up to bat. He’s battling and is the ONLY one who has been doing so in this game. Tear, he flies out to right.

Nick Hundley up with two down and one on. Swings at the first damn pitch AGAIN! Ground out.

 3:49pm

BOTTOM OF THE 8TH

Perdomo still on the mound and Brad Ausmus is up to bat.

Ausmus grounds out to short.

Loretta flies out to center.

Casey Blake pinch-hitting. I always liked Casey Blake and wished he became a Padre. He’s not that good anymore, so we’ll most likely get him in two years. He pops out.

Inning over:

PADRES 3 – JERKS 7

 3:54pm

TOP OF THE 9TH

Last chance for romance.

Luis Rodriguez up. He flies out the right.

Scott Hairston in to pinch-hit. He grounds out to first.

Brian Giles flies to Left.

GAME OVER:

PADRES 3 – DOYERS 7

 

GAME RECAP:

Man, that one hurt. That one really hurt. The Pads have now lost five in a row and have dropped from the top to the bottom of the division in less than a week and a half. I know it’s early and we all knew the Pads were overachieving. No one was really under the impression that we’d go to the playoffs or something, but it’s like I said in the last game recap: It was fun to watch because we were playing old school baseball and looking good doing it. Taking pitches, moving runners, forcing the walks and then taking advantage. But, what happened is what I was afraid of, we lost a couple games in a row and then started to press and get off-balance. We look a lot like last years Padres and that ain’t good. All I asked for this season was to watch fun baseball not winning baseball. I was going into it knowing we would not contend and being okay with that. I’m not okay with watching the team I love lug around the field like a bunch of Goth kids who just got told they had to run the mile in P.E. I need this team to pick up the pace and go back to doing what made them good in the beginning of the season: Fundamentals. I mean FUN is right there in the word!

 

See ya next week.

 

 

2 comments:

red said...

Dodger Stadium is truly terrible. Never again.

Liz said...

I only got to see an hour and a half of the actual game due to waiting in traffic and various lines. Cathedral of the Game my ass