As I sit down for my first of hopefully many running diaries this year there are a few things you should know:
1) I haven’t had a drink yet.
2) I’m wearing my Tony Gwynn shirt. It might be the greatest Gywnn shirt of all time and is in the running for the greatest shirt of all time.
3) This year, long time Padre TV broadcaster Matt Vasgersian left the Padres to take the helm of the MLB Network. He was one of my favorite broadcaster’s of all time and is friggin’ great on the MLB Network. He was fast becoming a beloved media figure in San Diego and like all famous sports figures in San Diego they leave right before they get really good. So, let’s put him the same book as Dave Winfield, Ozzie Smith and Jason Bay. He is sorely missed and Mark Grant sounds more and more lost with every pitch thrown.
4) I just got down watching Episode 3 of Season 1 of the Sopranos.
Game time 7:15pm
TOP OF THE 1ST INNING
Matt Cain is pitching for the Giants and just gave lead off man Jody Gerut 2 balls in a row. Can we just talk about the Gerut hustle please? He’s 33 and moves better than most 22 year olds. Cain on the other hand is a crafty right-hander that works very slowly. Watching him pitch is like watching two girls eating salads talking about weddings.
Single Gerut.
Eckstein is up. Oh sweet little boy. Honestly David Eckstein has been the sparkplug that the Padres needed this year. It’s fun to have someone care about what their doing. Win or lose it actually makes you have fun watching the game. I mean it was always fun watching Khalil Green struggle but in the words of Kevin Towers: “After three seasons, we just won’t put up with that anymore.”
Cain delivers a wild pitch and Gerut moves to second. Cain looks rattled, because Eckstein is up and he is my little golden boy. Seriously, that kid takes pitches like Paul O’Neill in the 90’s!
Eckstein takes 2 pitches, lays down a bunt on the 3rd pitch to move Gerut to 3rd base. Eckstein of course hustles. He’s beautiful. I can definitely see why NAMBLA was formed.
Brian Giles singles on an odd chopper to the Giants Jap 1st baseman. Gerut scores. Remember Pearl Harbor!
Padres up by one.
7:25pm
BOTTOM OF THE 1ST
Peavy is pitching for the Pads. He’s considered our ace. It’s true, but let’s not be stupid – the WBC fucked up his arm, just like it did last time. I’m all for the WBC, but it’s going to ruin some people’s careers.
Fred Lewis singles off Peavy. See what I’m saying? No way Peavy gives up a lead off single last season. Now I hate the WBC. Bud Selig is a retard.
Peavy strikes out one Randy Winn. Hey, remember when The Devil Rays traded Randy Winn to the Mariners for Lou Pinella? That was a weird trade then and it’s even weirder now. If you’re Winn, are you bummed you left the Devil Rays to be on a last place Mariners squad then move to a miserable Bochy squad in the bay area? Or are you happy to leave a terrible baseball city that cares more about a shitty football team? It’s a toss up.
End of the first, Padres still up one to nil.
7:35pm
TOP OF THE 2ND
Kouzmanoff singles to left. Cain seriously works so slow my brain is trying to eat itself.
Blanco strikes out. It’s ok though. He’s got to be in the Mexican mafia. He has to be. So, that means no matter what he does it’s good. I’m not getting my throat slit for a joke.
Luis Rodriguez strikes out. Even though he looked better in the first week of the season, I still like him. He takes pitches, hustles and is an average fielder. I know he doesn’t have Khalil’s defense but he also doesn’t swing at the same outside slider three times in a row!
Peavy pops out. He’s a pitcher.
7:44pm
BOTTOM OF THE 2ND
Pablo Sandoval is up. He’s the Giants 3rd baseman but looks like Prince Fielder. I see an issue arising at some point.
They just showed Bochy for the first time. I’ve made a couple observations about Bochy over the past year with the Giants. 1) He seems way more animated with this team than he ever did with the Padres. I remember him sitting in the dugout sometimes just sleeping. 2) Like when he was with the Padres he seems like he doesn’t care that his team is sucking balls! I think he’s a lame duck coach. If he was a Bond he’d be George Lazenby.
7:50pm
TOP OF THE 3RD
Gerut pops up.
Eckstein watches two pitches, singles on the 3rd through the whole into left field. I want to hold him in my arms and feed him.
Giles grounds into a double play. My loyal support of Brian Giles is starting to waiver. What happened to his eye? He used to be Mr. Pitch Count. Now, it’s like since Eckstein is in front of him he feels like he doesn’t have to take pitches, when the exact opposite is true!
7:55pm
BOTTOM OF THE 3RD
Edgar “Remember When I Was A World Series Hero” Renteria singles and moves over on a Matt Cain bunt who is also safe cause A-Gonz decided to be a bonehead for five seconds.
Peavy walks the bases loaded with nobody out…um…WORLD…BASEBALL…CLASSIC.
Renteria scores on a double play. Tie ball game.
Winn pops up. Inning over. Seriously, do you think Winn thinks about what would have happened of he stayed with the Rays? Even if he stayed with the Mariners. I mean going to the Giants? Why? So he could play with Bonds? Doesn’t make any sense.
PADRES 1 - GIANTS 1
8:03pm
TOP OF THE 4TH
A-Gonz singles to Right.
My roommate Travis just walked in with $5 footlongs! Perfect timing, Cain is working so slow I bet I can eat the whole thing before he records another out. By the way, who doesn’t love the $5 footlong? It’s a genius move. Have you gone to a Subway without a line in the last month? That song fucking sucks, but they are laughing all the way to the friggin' bank.
Chase Headley singles up the middle. A-Gonz moves to 2nd.
Kouz lines one off the wall in Right. A-Gonz slowly running home with Headley right on his heels, literally. The throw home beats both of them but Molina misses the tag on A-Gonz who is safe and Headley, who tries to hurdle over Molina, gets tagged out in mid-air! What the hell just happened? Bochy out to complain!? He woke up? Amazingly, the ump got it right! That doesn’t happen often. As Travis just said: “That’s why Baseball is so great, cause you see something new almost every game.” He’s right and as I’m typing this Mark Neely on the broadcast is saying the same thing. That was friggin' strange. I’m starting a petition to get Travis hired at Channel 4.
Luis Rodriguez pops out. Kouz is stranded on 3rd base.
Padres back up one!
8:22pm
BOTTOM OF THE 4TH
Peavy is getting mothereffin squeezed! The ump is giving him nothing right now although he is clearly pitching on the black.
Well, shit. Peavy hangs one over the middle and Renteria hits a grand slam. Again I say if Jake never pitched this winter he does not hang that breaking ball. He’s smarter than that but his arm is not listening to his brain.
End of the inning
PADRES 2 - GIANTS 5
8:28pm
TOP OF THE 5TH
They just announced Peavy just gave up his first career grand slam. Peavy is up; Cain is still pitching at a grandmother’s pace. I need a drink.
PADRES 2 - GIANTS 5 - DALLAS’ COORS LIGHT’S 1
What’s the only thing that could make me happier right now? Oh, Eckstein hitting a single on his 5th pitch of his at bat. He has rosy cheeks. He really does.
Giles pops up again and strands Davey. Which reminds me of something I yelled when I saw the same thing happen live at a game a couple weeks ago: GET USED TO THAT ECKSTEIN! YOU MIGHT AS WELL BRING YOUR GLOVE WITH YOU EVERY TIME YOU HIT A SINGLE!
8:41pm
BOTTOM OF THE 5TH
Peavy walks one, but gets out of the inning with no harm done. Seriously, I’m pretty bummed about that slam. Seriously bro.
PADRES 2 - GIANTS 5
8:46pm
TOP OF THE 6TH
A-Gonz singles to center.
Has anyone noticed that Chase Headley looks like the child of Mike Darr (RIP) and Mark Kotsay? He struck out.
You know, Mark Grant is surprisingly holding his own without Matty in the booth. His pitching insight is actually informative and he’s laying off the corny jokes.
Blanco flies out. Viva Blanco! Good at bat.
8:56pm
BOTTOM OF THE 6TH
Aaron Rowand pops up. I have a theory for some reason that Aaron Rowand and Turk Wendell hang out together. Like really hang out together. Like do some blow, beat up gay people and surf. When I look at both of them I see all three of those things happening, and usually in a row.
The Giants have a female stadium announcer. It sounds odd. They shouldn’t ever have a woman in that capacity. I know San Francisco is a progressive city, but when a woman says ‘now batting Edgar RENTERIA!” It just sounds like she’s yelling at me to get my life together.
By the way, Renteria just singled in another run and was tagged out trying to stretch it into a double.
PADRES 2 - GIANTS 6 - DALLAS’ COORS LIGHT’S 2
9:04pm
TOP OF THE 7TH
Luis Rodriguez singles to right.
Edgar “Older Little Brother” Gonzalez pinch hits for Peavy and pops out.
Bochy makes an inexplicable pitching change. Lefty Jeremy Affeldt in with an ERA over 5. I’m turning my hat inside out right now.
Hairston hitting for Gerut. Not a bad move. Never thought I’d be thinking that let alone writing it down for other people to see.
Hairston singles up the middle. Rodriguez to second.
Wally Cleaver up to bat. He grounds with a force on Hairston. Runners at the corners with two outs.
FUCK YOU GILES YOU FUCKING IDIOT!
I may or may not have just yelled that out my window. Giles, first pitch swinging grounds out.
In the immortal words of my roommate Travis “I hate Brian Giles.” I doubt the channel 4 broadcast team will be echoing his comments this time, but they should.
9:15pm
BOTTOM OF THE 7TH
Luis Perdomo on the mound for the Friars. Not only does his arm look sweet, he has quite the swagger. He’s walking around the mound like Doughboy from Boyz in the Hood.
Perdomo sets down the side. He looks good. Where was he the other day when Moreno lost the game against the Phils?
End of the inning.
PADRES 2 - GIANTS 6
9:26pm
TOP OF THE 8TH
Headley hits a single to center. Nice placement.
Pitching change to Bob Howry who has always been a pretty good pitcher and I thought actually was the subject matter for the movie ‘The Rookie’. I was wrong, it was about Dennis Quaid.
Howry sits them down. This is all coming apart. I’m stating it right now: I BLAME MORENO IF THE PADRES HAVE A LOSING SEASON. I hope I’m not right.
9:34pm
BOTTOM OF THE 8TH
Perdomo continues to impress.
You know who Perdomo reminds me of? A more talented Brian Lawrence.
Ahshit. I spoke way too soon. I’m retarded. He might be terrible.
A bunch of dudes just showed up because it’s out friend Jon’s 21st birthday. We’re going to Effins and McMurphy’s up the street from my house. He’s young and might end up dead tonight.
Ok, I was right the second time. Perdomo sucks.
PADRES 2 - GIANTS 8 – DALLAS’ COORS LIGHT’S 3
Frankie De La Cruz in to pitch. Who?
He just got the last out, that’s who.
Inning over. Thank God.
9:49pm
Viagra commercial. Don’t you kind of want to try it? I really do. I might get some. If I do I’ll definitely do a running diary about what happens with that.
9:50pm
TOP OF THE 9TH
Justin Miller in to close out the romp for the Giants.
Rodriguez gets a walk.
The newest Friar Chris Burke is up. He wears high socks. You can never hate a ballplayer who wears high socks. He pops up and walks his high socks back to the dugout.
Mark Grant is talking about Justin Miller’s tattoos. You know we're heading for a loss.
Hairston singles pass the 3rd baseman Sandoval.
The Beav is up. He pops up. It doesn’t really matter since he is my golden boy.
Bochy again making an inexplicable pitching change so a lefty can face Giles to get the last out in a 6-run ballgame. Is anyone really that upset that Boch left?
Giles singles in a run! Bochy is a really great manager.
A-Gonz grounds out. Game over.
PADRES 3 - GIANTS 8
GAME RECAP:
14 hits. The Padres got 14 hits in that game and only scored 3 times. This looks a lot like the Padres team that lost 99 games last year. Eckstein literally looks like he’s going to cry. That actually makes me kinda happy. You see the biggest difference I’ve noticed in these first 14 games is that the Padres are playing fundamental baseball; which is way more fun to watch as a fan. They know they don’t have power so they’re moving runners over instead of just striking out going for the long ball. And I know chicks dig the long ball but season ticket holders dig the W. Eckstein getting emotional on a loss three weeks in gives me hope that although we might not contend for much longer let alone the whole season, we will be fun to watch again. I’m getting exactly what I thought I would this season: An okay team playing hard. It’s kind of like watching Korea and Japan in the WBC. They played fundamentals and were a joy to watch, and they beat the US team easily. My hope is that these guys don’t get too full of themselves and frustrated. I need this feeling to last like I need to lower my blood pressure.
See ya next week.
11 comments:
The radio guys were defending the snot out of Giles yesterday. Why can't this town quit him?
Giles sucks at life.
I think Mark Grant may even be, dare I say it, better without Matty V. He gets to be somewhat intelligent rather than the goofy sidekick all the time. That said, I totally miss Matt V.
Brian Giles hit .306 last year with a .398 OBP. He's not God's gift to baseball fans, but he gets hits. This is a last place team overachieving, let's enjoy what we have.
Well J3oe, an abbreviation is not racism.
AND
If I was writing about Noah Lowry you would be right, but since I was writing about the guy pitching named Bob Howry I think I was correct.
The Kept Faith does not like racism.
Holy shit!
Dallas you need to do this in a live blog format like twitter or with posts for each inning so people can read it as they watch the game.
Don't try to steal the kept faith's..ahem..talent.
Does Brian Giles blink? Was that really a NAMBLA reference? These are things I want to know? Does Kouz bore the crap out of his immediate family?
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