Tuesday, May 5, 2009

July Live

I’m not paying to see the Padres live unless they are relevant after July 1st. If somebody needs me to go to a game, I will accept a ticket, but I will probably have something better to do. This is a completely reasonable way to consume sports. If I choose to see a band in a live setting it is usually because I love their latest record. If their latest record sucks, I’m probably not going to go. If I loved a band in 1998 and they have put out crap for a decade, I’m probably not going to support the continuation of their demise. In music, baseball, and in life, great lineups always change.

After the 2008 Padres’ abortion of a season, I don’t feel like I should pay good money to watch something for entertainment that isn’t truly compelling. What is dynamic about Nick Hundley? Nothing yet! For baseball to be interesting live, it is crucial for me to be engaged with the game in front of me compounded with being able to constantly think about the division race between innings. I don’t feel like I can even do that before July and respect myself, especially if we aren’t running away with it.

A lot of people think that this doesn’t matter. Well, these people are stupid. These are the same people who in the beginning of the season always fall in love with some hard working new guy who plays seemingly the right way. They say, “oh yeah, the Pads only have one pitcher that matters, but like the game is so sacred and beautiful and relaxing and that Josh Bard…uh well, I just like that guy, you know? He gets what the game is all about.” Ken Burns and Josh Bard can go fuck themselves. Every game is beautiful. Hockey is the best sport live, football is the best sport on TV, women’s tennis is the best sport to watch girls wear short skirts and grunt, and baseball is the best sport to watch when your team sucks. Well I want more. I want the small picture and the big picture to be equally as interesting.

Predictably, it doesn’t look like the Padres will be a compelling product in July. I know that now, and it feels good to be honest with myself about a team that doesn’t really respect me. I don’t care how great David Eckstein is because I know he is not that he isn’t a player that matters when the ball is actually in play. He is the best player in MLB at fostering fake grit that probably gets your dead WW2 grandpa’s dick hard from beyond the grave. Actually, I might have to go to game early this year because I might throw my remote through my TV the next time Mudcat waxes on about Eck’s “old school makeup” followed by a quote from the movie Old School. Shut it Cueball! I’LL TAKE MANNY BECAUSE MANNY HAS PUBES!

I always hope I’m wrong in May. I’m a Padre fan for life. Living in a city that doesn’t really have seasons, this is the time of year where I’m extremely negative about the future of my team. They give me that. I know summer is coming when hope starts to feel stupid. However, I hope I eat my words, because I’m hungry. Put me in my place friars…I would love for that place to be Petco. If not, have a great summer. KIT! And I hope you change.


Liz said...

It's all about you, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

Padres are hot. BUT, they're still boring. Tony Gwynn Jr is sorta interesting. But Kouz has the same boring stone face. Giles doesn't blink. Chris Young is Mister Perfect. Where's Milton Bradley to mix it up? Carmelo to roll up his sleeves and store his cigs? Eugene Kingsale with his Dutch passort! That's interesting!

At least Heath "Taco" Bell gets fired up after every save like it's game seven of the World Series.