Thursday, May 28, 2009

Dallas' Running Diary of the Padres v. Cubs Game 5/22

         First off let me say that I have waited so long to put this up because I have been sick, and nothing seems fun, especially typing. That being said…

         This was my first diary written while at the game. I love going to live baseball games. There is really nothing like it. And on top of that there is nothing like going with a bunch of friends who also enjoy and appreciate the game. The day started with fellow Kept Faith columnist Josh Elwell sending out a text asking who would be interested in going to the Pads/Cubs game tonight to see Peavy V. Zambrano? It was Zambrano’s first game back from the DL (He is on my fantasy team, and when you get a chance to see your fantasy players live, you always take it.) and it was Peavy’s first start after rejecting the horrible trade to the White Sox, AND there were post-game Friarworks. I was in, as were many others. 

         I met up with Josh and his brother Justin at 6pm to watch batting practice. We placed ourselves in the outfield to try and get some balls. We had no luck, but we did talk plenty of shit to Milton Bradley and kept calling some random bench player Cole Hamels and/or Mark Bellhorn. He was neither. We laughed hard and he couldn’t hear us. Oh, heckling. Josh bought everyone nosebleed seats that came with a free hotdog and soda. Sweet. While waiting for the others we went to the park in the park and ate our free hotdog and enjoyed our free soda. Justin doesn’t eat meat (he likes soccer.) so he gave Josh the extra dog. We then played tinfoil catch.

         About ten minutes later we met up with fellow Kept Faith columnists Sean O’Donnell and Joe Chandler. Also with them were Sean’s girlfriend and friend Ryan and Joe’s girlfriend. It had been awhile since this many of us went to a game together and it's been a few years since we sat so far away. I will admit that since the Padres opened Petco Park I have been a seat snob. I have had season tickets twice that have both been very close Outfield seats, and when I wasn’t sitting there I never sat beyond Field level. Yes, I became what I hated and I loved it. However, when we went to The Murph we always sat in deep right field and would always scoot up to open seats a bit closer. We loved it back there because the seats were cheap, people were drunk and everyone and I mean everyone heckled. The moment we sat down in our nosebleeds all this came rushing back to me and I couldn’t have been happier. Everyone was eating their 5 for 5’s, yelling at everyone and talking to each other. I felt at home. And then first pitch:

TOP OF THE 1ST

Peavy is welcomed to the mound with a huge applause. We love when our stars reject trades. He strikes out the side in his first audition for the Cubs.

BOTTOM OF THE 1ST

Tony Gwynn Jr. is starting in CF and gets a thunderous applause. Before he walked up to bat they showed a highlight reel of his Dad during the 1984 season. Right before he bats! No pressure Junior, nice timing Pads – AWWKKKKWWWWAAAARRRDDDD! He walks.

A pitch hits my baby boy Eckstein. What the hell?! I’m about to charge the mound. I’m willing to give him a ride to the hospital, or anywhere for that matter. He’s fine. Takes his base. What a guy!

Scott Hairston batting 4th? We have given up. He walks.

Giles up with the bases loaded. He works the count to 3-1 with one outs and HE SWINGS!!! What a retard! This isn’t 1997 – take your pitch! He flies out and Gwynn scores.

Kouz strikes out with two on. Beautiful disaster.

PADRES – 1 CUBS – 0

TOP OF THE 2ND

They’re playing the Killers and Justin, who is sitting next to me, is singing along unironically. Did I mention he likes soccer?

They just announced Eckstein is out of the game. Edgar Gonz takes his place and I am ready to leave.

Peavy pegs Bobby Scales in retaliation for Eck. That’s right bitch! You take out our mediocre* player we take out yours!

Some real Chicagoans just walked by me to find their seats. How do I know they’re from Chicago? Well, they were wearing old worn Bears jackets, they were pale, had mullets with bad facial hair. They were either from Chicago or Hemet.

BOTTOM OF THE 2ND

Sean just told me to write down that the new Padre shortstop Chris “Corky” Burke is up to bat. Josh said Chris “E-6” Burke is up. They are both right and he struck out.

PADRES – 1 CUBBIES – 0

TOP OF THE 3RD

Across the aisle right now there is a baby staring at me whose parents dressed it in a sweatshirt with devil horns on top of the hood. I repeat – there is a Satan baby staring at me!

What is up with the last names on the Cubs roster? Hoffpauir, Fukudome, Theriot, Fontenot? It sounds like the discount aisle at BevMo!

Peavy strikes more people out.

MIDDLE OF THE 3RD

The Friar and the “Franken-friar” are dancing on the field right now. I can’t imagine they’d pull this shit at a Red Sox game. I’m embarrassed.

BOTTOM OF THE 3RD

Another thunderous applause for Gwynn. He pops out. “He’s a bust.” – Joe Chandler.

Edgar legs out a single.

He is stranded.

PADRES – 1 CUBS – 0

BEFORE THE 4TH

Jon Weisbarth, who is a host on channel 4, does all the mid game games on the jumbotron. He is a tool. Words cannot describe how much I dislike him.

TOP OF THE 4TH

Peavy strikes out more people.

MIDDLE OF THE 4TH

Weisbarth is hosting a dance contest on the jumbotron. I’m really starting to miss sitting on my couch and watching Murray Lampert commercials. No wonder people don’t come to games.

BOTTOM OF THE 4TH

I just told Joe a joke. He said that I shouldn’t put it in the diary. He’s right.

This game is moving along at the same pace as the movie Watchmen.

Better joke than the one I told Joe.

PADS – 1 CUBAS – 0

BATHROOM BREAK -

Two wonderful things happened during that break.

1)   In the bathroom they were playing the radio broadcast of the game and I got to hear the beautiful voice of Jerry Coleman.

2)   A kid was kicking his Dad’s leg while his Dad was peeing. Why? Cause Joe and Sean were telling him to.

TOP OF THE 5TH

Peavy has now quietly struck out 8.

BOTTOM OF THE 5TH

Peavy leads off with a single. Thank God we didn’t trade him, or better yet he didn’t trade us.

Gwynn doubles**

Edgar Gonz flies out and Peavy scores.

Just got news Lebron won game 2 by 1 point with 1 second left. Can we trade Peavy for him?***

Pitching change: Aaron Heilman in for Zambrano.

Bad move Sweet Lou, Giles singles in Gwynn and right after I was verbally talking shit about Giles. Apparently I should always be talking shit about Giles.

Kouz grounds out. I really dislike him and his shiny baldhead.

PADS – 3 CUBS – 0

TOP OF THE 6TH

A group 4 rows up from us just held up a huge homemade sign that reads “Peavy 4-life”. Will they still feel that way when he’s a Cub next month? The guy who made the sign also has a Padres tattoo on one arm and a Chargers tattoo on the other. What happens when the Chargers move cities? Is he just gonna tell people he really likes electricity? Oh, and it’s the same guy whose kid was kicking him in the bathroom. This guy clearly does not make good decisions in life.

Peavy strikes out 2 more. I wish Peavy 4-life.

MIDDLE OF THE 6TH

They keep showing Padre highlights from 1984. They just showed Garvey’s game-winning home run in the playoffs. What they didn’t show was the three waitresses and four strippers Garvey took home later that night.

BOTTOM OF THE 6TH

“Corky” Burke grounds out. “I’m not sold on him, anyone else”? – Joe Chandler.

Blanco hits a triple! Viva la Rasa!

Chase Headley pinch-hitting for Peavy.

Peavy’s line: 6 innings, 0 ER, 10 K’s, 2 hits. He’s sooo gone.

PADRES -3 CUBBIES – 0

TOP OF THE 7TH

Luke Gregerson in to pitch. He cleans up.

7TH INNING STRETCH

I do a mean Twist and Shout. My jumbrotron record stands for itself.

BOTTOM OF THE 7TH

A-Gonz hits a freaking bomb!!! Thank God for A-Gonz. All Padre fans should, regardless of religious affiliation.

Hairston grounds out.

So does Giles.

Kouz strikes out looking.

Seriously, thank God for A-Gonz.

PADS – 4 CUBS – 0

BEFORE THE TOP OF THE 8TH

The hat shuffle. I guessed right. Number 3.

Justin is filling out his All-Star ballot and picked Russell Branyan at 3rd. I told you his favorite sport is Soccer right?

TOP OF THE 8TH

Gregerson gives up a hit and a walk. Buddy’s pullin’ the plug.

The three words that have scared me all season: In Comes Mujica!

Mujica strikes out Koyie Hill. Who? And who? Exactly.

BOTTOM OF THE 8TH

“If Chris “Corky” Burke strikes out at Petco and no one notices, did it really happen”? – Joe Chandler.

In an interesting move Mujica bats for himself and actually lightly taps himself a single. They gave him the ball. He should throw it back.

Gwynn strikes out. This ain’t your father’s Tony Gwynn (literally).

PADRES – 4 CUBS – 0

TOP OF THE 9TH

Mujica stays in to close it out.

The Satan baby is asleep.

Mujica gives up a hit.

Corky gives up the other hit.

Heath Bell comes running in. I’m not sure if he was even called in. He runs hard. We’re still searching for a theme song. Nick’s woman says it should be “Saved by the Bell”. Once this is mentioned out loud, everyone agrees.

I have stopped writing as I was standing up cheering. It was not an easy save but Bell got it done. I’m really proud of how everyone has handled Trevor’s departure. No one really wanted to breakup cause we had history, and this new girl is a bit big, but boy she sure is fast!

FINAL SCORE:

PADRES – 4 CUBS – 0

The Footnotes:

*I say “mediocre” because although I love David Eckstein, and have ever since his days with the Angels, he is not going to go into the hall of fame. Although I think players like him should. He was a World Series MVP and is known by everyone who plays with him as the hardest working guy on the field. He’s the Rudy of Pro ball. Or as Nick calls him the Poor Man’s Pete Rose. He will never be called a great ballplayer, but he’ll always be good. Hence using the word “mediocre”. I like him for the same reason I loved Eric Davis. Make sense?

**When it was announced Tony Gwynn, Jr. would be starting I told everyone who would listen that he was going to hit a double. Being right is awesome. But, while I’m on the subject and I know Joe feels the same way; why are we treating this kid like he is the second coming of Tony Gwynn, Sr. (Although yes, technically he is exactly that.)? He doesn’t want that either. When he first came over he asked to be called Anthony Gwynn. They declined that. Then he asked to have “Jr.” on the back of his jersey. They just happened to forget to do that. And they announce him as “Tony Gwynn” which in turn makes everyone stand up and applaud, because we’ve been taught since we were kids to do that every time we hear that name. Problem is Tony Gwynn, Jr. is not very good. He was sent down to the minors last year by the Brewers and has never hit above .259 in his pro-career. We traded for him to mask the Peavy trade that was supposed to happen the same day but didn’t. I sincerely hope that Anthony does well in a Padre uniform as every fan does, which is why he will get a very long grace period. But, what happens when this kid fails? Given his track record he most likely will. We don’t want another Dale Berra or Billy Ripken situation on our hands. We all want him to succeed for the sake of the team and his father, but don’t try and trick us into cheering for a career .248 hitter. We already did that with Josh Bard. Time to move on.

***I realize it was a dumb joke, but then realized all the odd similarities that there are in that joke. Peavy was going to be traded to the White Sox. Lebron is considered by many to be the best Basketball player in the game and won this years MVP and wears the number 23 – all things he shares with the great Michael Jordan, who also played baseball for the White Sox. Sometimes my jokes work on many levels. Most of the time they work on no levels.

The Padres are on a tear right now winning 11 of their last 12! We’re one game over .500! Let’s enjoy this and Peavy while they last! 

2 comments:

red said...

I went to, like, every other game that series and I missed the effing Frankenfriar?! My life sucks.

However, I totally agree with you about TG Jr. The cheering is a bit much at this point.

And "Saved by the Bell" is the perfect song for Heath. I really wish someone would get on that already.

Anonymous said...

Hot Sundae should play every time Heath enters a game.