My Jersey Exposed

By Nick McCann

The Chargers’ season is almost here and I can already tell that the community is getting ready. Last Saturday morning I went to Old Town for brunch, and as I was leaving, decided to buy an Antonio Gates home powder blue jersey. It felt like buying my new skin. Antonio Gates is a class guy, and I got a good deal.

The next morning after waking up in my jersey that I had worn all day at the Del Mar racetrack, I got up, and took out my trash to the alley behind my house wearing nothing but my jersey and my boxer shorts. I walked out half asleep, opened my trash can, deposited my waste, and turned to my left to be greeted by a stunned Mexican woman, whom I will call Marcel. She said nothing at first and only pointed down to my boxers. I looked down, and then said, “Oh shit, sorry”. Then she replied, “Go Chargers!” A lot happened to me in that alley: I accidentally exposed my dick to a woman somewhere between the age of my mother and my grandmother who was digging through garbage and I was reminded of the connection a football team can give to total strangers living in the same city.

Marcel seemed surprised, but not offended. I wondered (A) if she was planning on going to church later (B) what the probability would be of me seeing her again and (C) whether or not she knew Antonio Gates was a basketball player in college.

Can collectors in my neighborhood, University Heights (the only neighborhood that matters) are very territorial. I’m completely convinced that if I go out there around the same time this Sunday before the 1pm Charger game I will see her again. Usually when a woman sees my dick, I consider myself lucky. But Marcel was different. Hopefully this year’s talented Charger team will be that way too.