Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Back To The Draft

By Josh Elwell

Before the Celtics beat the shit out of the Lakers, let’s recognize what tomorrow will also mark the beginning of: the draft. In case you’re not yet a regular reader of Paul DePodesta’s blog, I’m taking the opportunity to comment on some of the nuggets he’s been tossing out this week, in regards to baseball’s draft.

Here’s Paul: “Unfortunately, we're missing our primary source of comic relief this year, as our premier joke teller, Joe Bochy, is now one of our professional scouts and consequently is absent from the draft room. I'm not sure anybody in baseball tells a joke quite like Joe (yes, he is Bruce's brother).”

Here are some of the jokes I imagine coming from joke machine, Joe Bochy, filled with Joe’s classic post-joke noises:

“Johnny Kratnoff! Johnny Kratnoff! You can’t possibly be serious about drafting Johnny Kratnoff!? The kid has a future of riding the bench more than I rode Bruce’s wife last Thanksgiving. HEYYYYYYA!”

Kevin Towers leaves the room. Joe places a whoopee cushion on his chair. Kevin comes back and sits on it. It sounds like he farted. “WOO!”

Last, but not least:

Joe – The kid’s repped by Scott Boras? Scott Boras! I’d prefer it if his name were Scott BORAT! Verrrrrry niiiiiiiice.

(Kevin Towers chokes on his McDonald’s French fries.)

Kevin – AH, stop it, Joe! You’re killing us, and we got work to do.
Paul – Seriously, cut this shit out. How are we supposed to get work done with you nailing Borat impressions?

So, there it is, my idea of baseball humor on draft day.

When Joe’s not cracking him up, Paul finds time to mention some of their strategy in drafting. As I noted last week, unlike football and basketball, baseball doesn’t have the luxury of drafting for immediate needs. This forces them to go after organizational needs. Even with Adrian Gonzalez raking at 1B, if the minor league teams have no one at the position – that’s the area they go after. Since there’s Kyle Blanks and a few other guys there, no need to worry about that. What does need to be worried about is the following:

When Khalil Greene opts to get closer to the Baha’i main temple in Chicago after next year, no one will be ready to replace him. DePodesta mentions that the Padres main strategy this year is to draft the best talent available, instead of specific positions. Unless they have some grand plan of signing Rafael Furcal for 10 years after this season, a SS better be at the top of their list.

Bottom-line is that the Padres need hitters who hit for a high AVG and/or can draw a walk. It’s no use going for power, because Petco will suck all that power out. Which is why Khalil Greene will enter the second-half of his career as one of baseball’s top SS sluggers, after he gets away from Petco.

Give a Padres fan a break and forget about defense, pitchers with control and everything else that’s keeping us mediocre. Give us an exciting SS and guys who can hit for average. Please. Oh, and a Joe Bochy comedy album – that’s the priority.


Dave H said...

Lakers in 5.

tkf said...

Lakers in 6.

Josh said...

Padres - 7
Cubs - 4

tkf said...

Tony 375lbs

Anonymous said...

hooold up. that was far from a lakers beat down. it was a ten point game and paul pierce was on the hunt for a summer movie gig.

kobe will come to game 2. and he will be pissed.

bileed dat.