Josh Elwell and I started out our night by heading to Dick’s Last Resort for a drink and some appetizers. The food at Dick’s was never that great, but people used to go for the fun atmosphere and hot waitresses. I can now officially say I have no idea why anybody goes to Dick’s Last Resort. Anyway, we were running late getting to the game because I was trying to finish a tall boy but had just taken a ton of Tylenol for a raging pulled muscle in my back. I was having an inner fight on how much I could drink with how many pills I took without dying. I didn’t die, but we did miss Ichiro’s first at-bat.
TOP OF THE 1ST INNING
- Kevin Correia on the mound for the Friars. If you listened to the first Kept Faith podcast you know how he’s been struggling of late. It’s been a tough year for him.
- Correia strikes out Gutierrez and they play the theme from Beverly Hills Cop II over the PA. Um… why?
BOTTOM OF THE 1ST
- So far the music selection at Petco Park this evening is reminiscent of 1989. That’s not a good thing.
- This is my first chance to see the Bobblehead (Davey Eckstein) hit leadoff. I don’t like this move. I think it’s a bad decision. It’s a mistake. I should stop writing because Eck just hit a single. I’m a mistake.
- Headley now in the 2-hole. Vargas just blew an 87-mph fastball by ‘em - strikeout!
- A-Gonz hits into a double play. It’s a mistake.
END OF THE INNING: PADS - 0 MARINERS - 0
Hey! There are some new bloopers on the jumbotron! Holy crap this is amazing!
TOP OF THE 2ND INNING
- Milton Bradley (Former Friar, Cub, Indian, Expo, Dodger, Athletic and Ranger) hits a single and then hits everything else on his way to first.
- Josh Wilson, Jack Wilson’s dad, hits a single.
- Casey Kotchman having a banner year at .194 pops up.
- Correia cleans up the inning followed by the playing of “Funky Cold Medina.”
They play a Padres video from 1992. It’s a splice between the video of “2 Legit 2 Quit” and the Padres from 1992 doing the moves to the song. I’m officially concerned about the evening.
BOTTOM OF THE 2ND
- Vargas is mowing them down with that blazing 87-mph heater! Is Brian Lawrence pitching? For those counting at home that’s my first Brian Lawrence joke of the season (expect more).
END OF THE INNING: PADS - 0 MARINERS - 0
“Poison” by Bell Biv Devoe
TOP OF THE 3RD INNING
- The Petco Red Dog just walked by. God I hate the Petco sponsorship.
- The pizza guy just walked by and I swear to you uttered these words “Get your pizza here! Nice warm pizza right here in my box!” to which Josh replied, “Good line.”
- A double date just sat down in front of us. Unable to tell how long they’ve been together.
The Jumbotron is showing A-Gonz talking about and showing his two Chihuahuas. “Pedro” and “Princess,” and yes Padres fans he has dressed them up! Forget what I’ve said in the past, can we trade A-Gonz now?
BOTTOM OF THE 3RD
- HEY Tony Gywnn JUNIOR has his average over .200 now! He hits an RBI triple to deep right center! That means a free number 2 at McDonald’s for Tony Gwynn Sr.!
- One style that’ll never die by the way: polo shirt tucked in to jeans with a cell phone clip and sandals - no socks. Classic Petco tourists.
- The Bobblehead knocks in Gwynn! At-a-boy!
- Bases loaded for Nick Hundley. His walk up music is Collective Soul, so… he let it shine and popped out.
END OF THE INNING: PADS - 2 MARINERS - 0
TOP OF THE 4TH INNING
- Hey Padres fans, you can heckle Milton all you want but when he was a Padre in 2007 he was fantastic. True, he ripped up his knee trying to fight an umpire but still…
The kid guessed wrong with the Jack in the Box game and we all lost. I hope his parents ground him.
BOTTOM OF THE 4TH
- They’re playing 311 now. I guess we’re getting a little more musically current (barely).
- Chris “Ducknorthia” Denorfia is up and he grounds out.
- Ok, so one couple on the double date is very in to each other and the other couple could not care less about being there.
- Gywnn JUNIOR hits a double off the wall! Hairston to 3rd.
- It matters not.
END OF THE INNING: PADS - 2 MARINERS - 0
FOOD BREAK!! Josh got some dip ‘n’ dots in a souvenir helmet and I went with some soft serve. Although it’s pretty cold out it totally hit the spot. While we were gone the Mariners scored two runs on a Correia hit batsmen and other shenanigans. It doesn’t matter what, it just sucks.
TOP OF THE 6TH INNING
- Milton hits a solo shot. People boo. Let it go, San Diego.
- The double date has gotten a little better. The happy couple is cuddling and the sad couple are showing each other iPhone apps - and why not? It’s not like you paid money to go see something else.
BOTTOM OF THE 6TH
- The actual cops just kicked out a guy from Petco who had a pencil thin mustache and a Peavy jersey. I don’t know what he did, but do you really need a reason to kick that guy out?
- Did you know Tony Gwynn JUNIOR is hitting .421 in June and .438 in his last six games? Overall he’s hitting .210.
END OF THE INNING: PADS - 2 MARINERS - 3
Sorry Jerome, there is no way that is the best seat in the house.
TOP OF THE 7TH INNING
- I like saying “Ichiro” the same way Sato says “Miyagi” in Karate Kid II.
It’s 7th Inning stretch time! The happy couple stood up and sang the sad couple stayed seated. The sad girl just left to “get a beer.” If she comes back in 30 minutes I’ll be shocked.
BOTTOM OF THE 7TH
- Headley hits a double.
- A-Gonz walks.
- Hundley strikes out.
- A drunken man in his 50’s cheers.
END OF THE INNING: PADS - 2 MARINERS - 3
TOP OF THE 8TH INNING
- Milton hits another single. Steals 2nd and moves to 3rd on the bad throw from Hundley.
- Webb in to pitch gets out of the trouble and ends the inning!
Guess the attendance: a) Crappy b) Shitty c) Terrible
If you guessed all of the above you’re right! The first Friday night of interleague play and we drew a thin 20,049 fans. You should read Tim Sullivan’s’ article about this problem. It’s really good.
BOTTOM OF THE 8TH
- One.
- Two.
- Three.
TOP OF THE 9TH INNING
- They just showed the Dodger/Angels score. The Doyers lost. The place goes nuts! I can’t decide what I hate more: The Dodgers or the Petco Red Dog.
- Joe “Becky” Thatcher in to pitch.
- Matt Stairs has been put on the DL. To find out why read this. And while you do, notice the years.
- IIIIIIICCCHHHHIIIRRROOOOOO!!!! Pops out.
BOTTOM OF THE 9TH
- Last chance for the chicken dance.
- Venable in to pinch-hit. He smokes a single!
- The Bobblehead bunts him over to second.
- Headley gets pegged with a pitch.
- A-GONZ DOUBLES HOME VENABLE! TIE GAME!
- Hundley up. All he’s got to do is hit a fly ball… and he does it! Son of a catcher! PADRES WIN!
Man, what a game! I am having way too much fun this season, and I am a constant pessimist. Do we trade for a big bat? Do we make any kind of deal? I like the chemistry on this team. I like the way they play and how much fun they seem to be having. Does bringing in a new guy screw that up? Has it ever pushed anyone over the edge, I mean really? Beside Beltran going to Astros a couple years back. It seems risky. And really whom would we get? Ken Griffey retired and by Padres standards that would have been the first choice. Decisions must be made and quickly because it looks like this team is sticking around.
Oh, and the sad girl returned right after the Padres won. She leaned in and said, "Are we going now?" as her group got up to leave. Then the guy in the sad couple walked by her and gave her a hug and kiss. My guess: they should have broken up years ago.
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