Screw You Bloodhound Gang

By Josh Elwell

The roof may be on fire in Downtown San Diego, but in no way will I sit back and “let the motherfucker burn.” Instead, I come bearing water. The Bloodhounds may not have needed it, but the Padres sure do.

After losing 2 of 3 to the Marlins, despite Adrian Gonzalez ripping HR after HR (a nice change of pace for a Padres fan) and Callix Crabbe filling in nicely for 1984 Sean Penn, Black & co. now move onto Atlanta, where a roster reshuffle may be in the works. And, seriously, maybe I’ll name my first-born, Callix Crabbe Elwell, or I’ll just give him my first born. That name is beautiful.

Starting with the Padres #5 starter, Bud Black announced it’s an open slot. After Justin Germano started the season blazing through lineups, he cooled down to the point of a 6.35 ERA. Obviously, a change is needed. With the Cubs & Phillies, the Padres have been the only team in baseball to get this far with only using 5 starters. Consistency like that is surely appreciated, but when a guy stinks - he stinks. See you later Justin. The question now is, who takes over?
Mark Prior is clearly penciled in for the slot once he comes off the DL next month, but until then, someone needs to step up. Can I cast my vote for Wilfredo Ledezema? Sure, they could go for experience and use Glendon Rusch or call up Shawn Estes, but Wilfredo has been lights out, out of the bullpen and on a shitty team like the Padres – I’ll take youth over experience.

For another non-consequential move, the Tigers have released Jacque Jones. Now Kevin Towers can pick him up for a league minimum salary. As a reminder, Jones was the back up plan fall of ‘05 should the Padres have failed to re-sign Brian Giles. Not that Jones fits into my desire for a fire sale, but he’ll offer a better bat in LF than Hairston or McAnulty and provide insurance in CF as well.

Finally, in my quest to see a young, winning Padres team before I die, I leave you with a trade I’d want to see in a picture perfect fire sale:

Brian Giles for Jeremy Sowers & Kelly Shoppach.

Brian Giles gives us OBP, frosted hair and El Cajon cred, which in reality, doesn’t exist (El Cajon cred that is, not frosted hair – we all know that exists in RF). As opposed to Josh Bard (watch The Sports Minute below), Kelly Shoppach’s name actually has the potential to be heard in the final game of a World Series. He’s stuck behind Victor Martinez right now, and needs a chance to break out. Would it be too much to ask for San Diego to be that place?

To anyone sitting in the front office for the Friars, please don’t let this motherfucker burn; despite what trashy 90’s alt-rock music would have you believe. If a fire sale is too far-fetched, be sure to make the smart day-to-day moves:

-Leaving Estes in AAA and starting Ledezema on Thursday. Try out Germano as your long-relief. He couldn’t be worse than as a starter - literally.
-Cutting Hairston or McAnulty (flip a coin) and signing Jacque Jones.
-Trading Brian Giles to the Indians, or any team that needs corner OF help. Here’s another phrase you definitely won’t hear at a World Series: “Brian Giles walks in the game winning run!” (Again – watch The Sports Minute!)

All three of those become more and more far-fetched. Whatever. While we’re at it – trade Kevin Towers. He’s more off base with his moves than Matt Holliday was when Michael Barrett tagged him out in game 163 last year.