By Nick McCann
On Thursday, the Padres lost the last game of their series with the Cubs in a 4-0 shutout. Sadly, this occurrence has become normal for the team that is the worst hitting team in the league. Therefore, it is time to look for possible bright spots in the very very very recent past to lift up our spirits.
Adrian Gonzalez’s older brother, Edgar, is up in the big leagues for the first time after eight long years of minor league ball. In his first three games he is 3 for 7 with one homerun. Sure, the idea that the Padres called up Adrian’s brother, who is also a local out of Chula Vista, could be considered a questionable PR move just to be a nice story in a season that is rotting away faster than Debra Harry’s face. However, it is nice to know there is somebody on the bench who needs to prove something. Edgar can play all the positions in the infield and he has hit well on every minor league team he has ever played for. Finally it is now his chance to show that he can play at the major league level.
If E-Gonz stays on the Pads’ roster until June 14th, he will celebrate his 30th birthday as a rookie in major league baseball. His brother on the other hand came up when he was 23, and it was clear early on that he could contribute at the top level for well over decade.
I’m sure both brothers, along with their parents, are thrilled at their accomplishments, but could you imagine being Edgar in the minors the last few years watching his younger brother, who he must have picked on at some point, establishing himself as a solid starting San Diego Padre while he was riding around in the bus leagues? Then can you also imagine what it must feel like now for Adrian to have this older brother in the same clubhouse he has already made a name for himself in, as rookie who might not stay around? I’m sure anybody who gets to play MLB has a pretty significant competetive streak in them, and I’m sure there was a point in their childhood growing up where Edgar picked on Adrian when Adrian looked up to his older brother. Now Adrian’s older brother has to earn his respect, not only as a brother, but also as another participant in the same craft?
WELL THAT IS A DYNAMIC IF I HAVE EVER ASSUMED ONE!!!
Adrian Gonzalez and Brian Giles Watch Edgar’s First Homerun
By Nick McCann
(A-Gonz and B-Giles sit in the dugout at Wrigley Field. They watch intensely at E-Gonz at the plate. E-Gonz swings and hits the ball out and the dugout goes bonkers. E-Gonz rounds the bases.)
Giles
Hey, how do you feel man?
A-Gonz
I feel weird. What am I supposed to feel? Emotion has never been my thing.
Giles
Your older brother is one of us now. HA!
A-Gonz
Hey, he hit 330 in triple a last year.
Giles
I’m sure Chris Gywnn hit 300 somewhere too.
A-Gonz
Should you really be making jokes like that?
Giles
YES! (Somewhere in the world Chris Gywnn walks into a Donut shop and says, “Ah shit!”) We are in Chicago; as long we stay away from Ryan Sandberg and Andre Dawson jokes, we are fine. Lighten up. You are the talented brother.
A-Gonz
My brother has talent. He just hit a homerun at Wrigley.
Giles
Hold on a sec, I’m getting a text from Pedro Martinez. (Giles checks his phone) Ha! That guy is so funny. Hey Giles, even my brother Ramon struck out the side once. LOL! That guy is great.
A-Gonz
Is Pedro watching this?
Giles
Pedro sees all. (Edgar comes back to the dugout) Let’s do what we have to do. (Giles and Adrian go to give high fives to their teammate. Adrian shakes his hand and gives him a modest hug. They both act like it is no big deal and that it is just part of the job. Giles and Adrian go back and sit down).
A-Gonz
How is your brother doing?
Giles
I don’t give a shit.
A-Gonz
Why not? Markus was a good guy.
Giles
He hated you.
A-Gonz
What?
Giles
You are a talented brother. You are with me and Pedro, Ken Griffey, Tony, and even Jose Canseco. Markus will always be with Ramon Martinez, Craig Griffey, and that fat fuck Chris Gwynn. Ha, I can say that here.
A-Gonz
My brother is going to make it. I don’t care if he gave me wedgies when I was three, and because of that I have always had a fear of changing in front of guys. I believe in him.
Giles
Hold on (Giles looks at phone again). Pedro, you are nut. Giles, hey Ozzie Canseco never wrote a book. Oh wait, he probably did. Was it called I’m The Wizard of Oz and I Poop My Pants? Classic Pedro.
A-Gonz
You know what, my brother never let me play with my toys. I kind of always hated him growing up.
Giles
We can get him back.
A-Gonz
How?
Giles
(Giles pulls out a laxative, puts in a Gatorade bottle, walks over and hands it too Edgar. Giles then walks back to Adrian who is stunned). Next time we play the Mets, you, Pedro and me need to do the town talented brother style. We are your family now. (Giles puts his arms out)
A-Gonz
Brothers gotta hug. (A-Gonz hugs Giles and then looks over to Edgar from his embrace. In Edgar’s face, A-Gonz can see a huge part of himself dying. A-Gonz feels nothing)
Adrian Gonzalez’s older brother, Edgar, is up in the big leagues for the first time after eight long years of minor league ball. In his first three games he is 3 for 7 with one homerun. Sure, the idea that the Padres called up Adrian’s brother, who is also a local out of Chula Vista, could be considered a questionable PR move just to be a nice story in a season that is rotting away faster than Debra Harry’s face. However, it is nice to know there is somebody on the bench who needs to prove something. Edgar can play all the positions in the infield and he has hit well on every minor league team he has ever played for. Finally it is now his chance to show that he can play at the major league level.
If E-Gonz stays on the Pads’ roster until June 14th, he will celebrate his 30th birthday as a rookie in major league baseball. His brother on the other hand came up when he was 23, and it was clear early on that he could contribute at the top level for well over decade.
I’m sure both brothers, along with their parents, are thrilled at their accomplishments, but could you imagine being Edgar in the minors the last few years watching his younger brother, who he must have picked on at some point, establishing himself as a solid starting San Diego Padre while he was riding around in the bus leagues? Then can you also imagine what it must feel like now for Adrian to have this older brother in the same clubhouse he has already made a name for himself in, as rookie who might not stay around? I’m sure anybody who gets to play MLB has a pretty significant competetive streak in them, and I’m sure there was a point in their childhood growing up where Edgar picked on Adrian when Adrian looked up to his older brother. Now Adrian’s older brother has to earn his respect, not only as a brother, but also as another participant in the same craft?WELL THAT IS A DYNAMIC IF I HAVE EVER ASSUMED ONE!!!
Adrian Gonzalez and Brian Giles Watch Edgar’s First Homerun
By Nick McCann
(A-Gonz and B-Giles sit in the dugout at Wrigley Field. They watch intensely at E-Gonz at the plate. E-Gonz swings and hits the ball out and the dugout goes bonkers. E-Gonz rounds the bases.)
Giles
Hey, how do you feel man?
A-Gonz
I feel weird. What am I supposed to feel? Emotion has never been my thing.
Giles
Your older brother is one of us now. HA!
A-Gonz
Hey, he hit 330 in triple a last year.
Giles
I’m sure Chris Gywnn hit 300 somewhere too.
A-Gonz
Should you really be making jokes like that?
Giles
YES! (Somewhere in the world Chris Gywnn walks into a Donut shop and says, “Ah shit!”) We are in Chicago; as long we stay away from Ryan Sandberg and Andre Dawson jokes, we are fine. Lighten up. You are the talented brother.
A-Gonz
My brother has talent. He just hit a homerun at Wrigley.
Giles
Hold on a sec, I’m getting a text from Pedro Martinez. (Giles checks his phone) Ha! That guy is so funny. Hey Giles, even my brother Ramon struck out the side once. LOL! That guy is great.
A-Gonz
Is Pedro watching this?
Giles
Pedro sees all. (Edgar comes back to the dugout) Let’s do what we have to do. (Giles and Adrian go to give high fives to their teammate. Adrian shakes his hand and gives him a modest hug. They both act like it is no big deal and that it is just part of the job. Giles and Adrian go back and sit down).
A-Gonz
How is your brother doing?
Giles
I don’t give a shit.
A-Gonz
Why not? Markus was a good guy.
Giles
He hated you.
A-Gonz
What?
Giles
You are a talented brother. You are with me and Pedro, Ken Griffey, Tony, and even Jose Canseco. Markus will always be with Ramon Martinez, Craig Griffey, and that fat fuck Chris Gwynn. Ha, I can say that here.
A-Gonz
My brother is going to make it. I don’t care if he gave me wedgies when I was three, and because of that I have always had a fear of changing in front of guys. I believe in him.
Giles
Hold on (Giles looks at phone again). Pedro, you are nut. Giles, hey Ozzie Canseco never wrote a book. Oh wait, he probably did. Was it called I’m The Wizard of Oz and I Poop My Pants? Classic Pedro.
A-Gonz
You know what, my brother never let me play with my toys. I kind of always hated him growing up.
Giles
We can get him back.
A-Gonz
How?
Giles
(Giles pulls out a laxative, puts in a Gatorade bottle, walks over and hands it too Edgar. Giles then walks back to Adrian who is stunned). Next time we play the Mets, you, Pedro and me need to do the town talented brother style. We are your family now. (Giles puts his arms out)
A-Gonz
Brothers gotta hug. (A-Gonz hugs Giles and then looks over to Edgar from his embrace. In Edgar’s face, A-Gonz can see a huge part of himself dying. A-Gonz feels nothing)
The End.
1 comment:
The problem with this post is you made Giles sound like a semi-intelligent human being and we all know he's as dumb as a box of rocks.
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