TG2: Gwynn Harder

Last year the Padres traded centerfielder Jody Gerut to the Milwaukee Brewers and landed a local kid from Poway, who sounded and looked familiar. He was happy to be home and seemed to play the game the right way. At first we called him Anthony, but he quickly put a stop to it. He wanted to be Tony Gwynn. And in this, his first full season with the San Diego Padres, a team about to embark on a season of many firsts, we have to let him try. Next week Tony Gwynn Jr. should be in the starting lineup and given every chance to hold the job because this season is clearly not about winning, none of our other outfielders matter, and most importantly, his dad won 7 batting titles. That counts for something, even though in every conventional sense, it shouldn’t.

As a lifelong Padre fan, I have become accustom to the feeling of going into a season without hope. It’s the kind of reality that breeds a higher interest in storylines that go beyond the NL West Standings. Last month the Padres started practicing in Peoria, Arizona and local news stations started broadcasting images of smiling ballplayers stretching, throwing, hitting and taking ground balls. This, like every other year, is designed to evoke hope in the community that spring is finally here and we can all finally let go of yet another disappointing Charger season. The images of Chase Headley turning two are supposed to make me forget about Antonio Cromartie’s poor tackling and his army of children with multiple women. The fluff interview with new young buck GM Jed Hoyer is supposed to erase my memory of LT’s pouting eyes, and his fake lawn commercials where he has kids crawling all over him (some of which were probably Cromartie’s).

With John Moores out, and the Baseball Owners’ Divorce Fairy moving to LA to become a star (hopefully getting her first role in I Choked to Death On My Steak: The Tommy Lasorda Story), 2010 will be the first full year the Moorad Ownership Group will have complete control of the franchise with their own GM in place calling the shots. Predictably, Hoyer’s off-season moves were intentionally safe: Yorvit Torrealba and Jon Garland are solid pros, and The Scott and Jerry Hairston Show certainly can’t be any worse than the Giles Brothers’ display of classic East County disappointment. Fine. Great. We live in one of the most desirable cities for human beings to live and our best new acquisition was Dick Enberg, an old play-by-play broadcaster who decided to call games in the twilight of his career in the closest city to that nice golf course where Tiger’s knees almost fell off (insert sex joke here). Regardless of who stays or goes, there is a greater chance of a David Eckstein retirement press conference where he tells the world he just doesn’t really give a shit about baseball anymore and plans to go smoke weed with Ricky Williams, than the Pads have of making it to the post season. This year is clearly nothing more than an audition for all those who were here before the transfer of power. But this isn’t necessarily tragic. This forest needs to be burned.

Since the advent of Petco Park, centerfield has been the most important position for the Padres to fill. It is a huge space and since the idea of the front office spending money to fix the problem is out of the question, why not put a person out there who will run through walls to prove something to the community that he calls home and to his dad who shared the same outfield? Is it possible for Tony Gwynn Jr to hit .300, steal 30 bags, and play defense about as good as a passed-his-prime Mike Cameron while starting in 150 games? Maybe. Maybe not. But crazier things have certainly happened. It would have been crazier for a fan in Seattle to think that Ichiro would win the AL MVP in his first full season in America, but we all know how that turned out. I’m not saying that I think Tony Gwynn Jr. will ever be an All Star, but it is in the realm of possibility for him to be exactly what we need.

It is clear that right now Scott Hairston is more proven (considering he actually has the most time logged in the Petco Park outfield), Will Venable has more upside, and for the time being, unhappy first baseman Adrian Gonzalez isn’t going anywhere, so the only way to get the major league at bats for Kyle Blanks that he needs is to put him in the outfield. This leaves Tony Gwynn Jr. as the odd man out, who will probably split time and be plugged into different situations. Already labeled the “the perfect 4th outfielder”, he is valuable and comes at a reasonable price. This is fine. This is the way things are supposed to work out for the son of San Diego’s most important sports icon. But right now, we don’t know for sure what he is capable of. Every major leaguer’s games are numbered and those games have to be played. This spring he has played well and Bud Black has been impressed. He is 27 years old, entering the prime of his career, and he has never even once hinted that he deserves special treatment. I say give him the job. Let him have a real batting average that could allow him to put the name Tony Gwynn back in the league leaders. I loved seeing that when I was a kid and I would love to see it again if only in the beginning of the season for a short time. I don't want a beat LA T-shirt or a Chris Young lifesize poster or anyother bullshit attempt to make me forget that my team sucks; I want to open up the San Diego Union Tribune sports section and feel like it is 1993 again.

I’m sure a lot of this sounds crazy. Most people that actively care about any team in any sport go into a season thinking that the name on the front of the jersey is more important than the name on the back. The best players in any given situation should be on the field to help the team win. I get it. It makes perfect sense. I know it must seem like I am rooting for a potential plot to Cameron Crowe’s next sports movie. But isn’t the most enjoyable part of sports watching the impossible happen? It probably won’t happen but I guess the real reason why I want Tony Gwynn Jr to succeed is because it would somehow validate not only Tony Gwynn Sr. as a dad, but also as the guru of baseball that he was built up to be. If Jr. were effective in helping the Padres win, it would feel like his father’s last gift to my generation. His son seems to want that too. He walked in here and didn’t run from the persona his father created. He was given his father’s birth name and then quickly decided to take his father’s baseball title as soon as he came home. Tony Gwynn Jr. is keenly aware that he is the second act in this drama and he is prepared to kill Fredo if he has to. His Dad’s shoes are on. Let’s see how far he can walk.

I have often wondered what it would be like to eat a burrito with Tony Gwynn Jr. at a taco shop. I think it would go something like this:

Nick: This is a good Burrito.

TG2: Best in Poway.

Nick: It’s crazy you grew up here.

TG2: It’s home.

Nick: Were you into Blink 182? They are from here too.

TG2: Nah, that’s my Dad’s shit. I like Angels and Airways.

Nick: Do you find yourself drawn to side projects?

TG2: Are you implying that my Dad cared more about hitting than being a father?

Nick: Oh well, no I –

TG2: Damnit!

Nick: What?

TG2: Just kidding. That’s his favorite Blink 182 song. He still listens to it when he is working in his hitting room.

Nick: His hitting room?

TG2: Oh you thought he stopped? He doesn’t stop. Hey dude, look at me… he doesn’t stop.

(Shawn Merriman pulls up in a hummer with a license plate that reads Lights Out)

Shawn: Hey T, Andy Benes is having people over to play Madden. You wit it?

TG2: No man, my dad needs help with his machine.

Shawn: Alright, peace. CPK! (he drives off)

TG2: You ain’t no Crazy Poway Kid! Mothafucka is new Poway!

Nick: His machine?

TG2: Don’t worry about it.

Nick: Man, I miss your dad. I remember I saw him play the Expos in 1999. My friends and I were in the right field bleachers and-

TG2: He went 4-5 with two doubles. He remembers you. Do you still drink like that?

The End

Spring Training

Yesterday I walked within ten feet of Rollie Fingers. He was standing on the concourse at Scottsdale stadium in Arizona with a sign that said "Meet Rollie Fingers." I had paid ten dollars to watch the Giants play their last "home" spring training game of the season and my eyes were opening to a whole new world of baseball.

Moments later, I relaxed on the lawn that serves as seating in right field. Cubs fans and Giants fans intermingled with no issues. I was able to take a quick five minute nap all while professional major league baseball players played professional major league baseball within spitting distance (I didn't spit).

In a couple hours I'm going to watch the Padres play the Royals and get my first look at our 2010 squad. But what I love about it is that the game won't matter. It's really the ideal circumstances to watch a team like the Padres in spring training when they're just playing for fun and no one is keeping track of standings. It seemed like it was working well for Cubs fans too. Baseball with no strings is the most relaxing sports experience I've ever had.

So I'm headed off to scout our boys, but I suspect I'll just come back thinking that they look like they're having a hell of a time. God bless the Padres.

The Kevin Towers Non-Star Team

In honor of Jed Hoyer's first season as the Padres GM, here's the Kevin Towers Non-Star Team, taken from players KT missed out on since '02. Included is a full lineup, 3 SP's, and a Closer. And a full disclaimer: It's completely ridiculous to look back and say who KT & co. should have drafted. But, since we're obviously ignoring how unfair this is, it also wouldn't be hard to find players even better than the ones listed. Okay, enough rambling, here's the team:

SS Yunel Escobar (passed over in the ’05 Draft for Cesar Carrillo)

2B Jason Bartlett (traded to the Twins for Brian Buchanan)

RF Nick Markakis (passed over in the ’03 Draft for Tim Stauffer

LF Jason Bay (traded to the Pirates with Oliver Perez for Brian Giles)

1B Adam Lind (passed over in the '04 Draft for William Killian)

CF Shane Victorino (sent back to the Dodgers after being selected in the Rule 5 Draft)

C Taylor Teagarden (passed over in the ’05 Draft for Josh Geer)

3B David Freese (traded to the Cardinals for Jim Edmonds)

Justin Verlander (passed over in the ’04 Draft for Matt Bush)

Joba Chamberlain (passed over in the '06 Draft for Matt Antonelli)

Cole Hamels (passed over in the ’02 Draft for Khalil Greene)

Joakim Soria (taken by the Kansas City Royals in the '06 Rule 5 Draft)

Welcome to San Diego, Jed Hoyer. Welcome to a varied (yet consistent) history of failure.

But, we still have faith, faith that Everth Cabrera, Mat Latos, Kyle Blanks and Donavan Tate won't be joining the Jed Hoyer Non-Star Team in a few years.

So, my 2010 Season Prediction, you ask? Here it is: Hoyer will start to turn things around.

Hoyer... will start... to turn things... around. (I really believe this.)

My 2010 Season Predictions.

Every time we start another Baseball season here in San Diego, a little piece of me dies. But, somehow I know I'll get through it.

I start the season with a predictions column, and based on my March Madness bracket, I am really good at predictions - NOT! (I miss the early 90’s.)

I’ll start with the AL or as I like to call it: The League of Joe Mauer.

-The Angels change their name once again to: The Los Angeles Non-Denominational Angels of Anaheim and lose 100 games after losing the crucial support of Jesus Christ.

- The A’s move to Montreal and start playing Hockey, yet they still manage to win 75 games.

- The Rangers get A-Rod back and sell him for parts. They then use the money to buy blow for Josh Hamilton turning him back into the stud he was in 2008.

- The Mariners thrive with their revamped lineup. Yep, that prediction was just as boring as being a Mariner’s fan.

WESTERN DIVISION CHAMP: Seattle Mariners.

- The Tigers try their hardest to actually become real tigers which puts them on the endangered list and protects them from getting beaten by more than two runs in any one game. Jim Leyland dies after being mauled by Brandon Inge.

- The Twins have Joe Mauer.

- The White Sox deport Ozzie Guillen who is immediately scouted and drafted by the Padres after changing his name to Oswald Gillen and lies to the Pads telling them he’s 19 years old.

- The Royals will shock everyone by winning over fifty games and changing leagues to the Premier League.

- The Indians will replace all home games with screenings of Major League and Major League 2. A riot ensues on the streets of Cleveland when someone accidentally plays Major League 3: Back to the Minors on the jumbotron.

CENTRAL DIVISION CHAMP: Minnesota Twins.

- The Red Sox will once again complain about the Yankees spending by producing an ad campaign that costs $200 million. Jason Varitek retires after publicly admitting he “sucks now”.

- The Yankees acquire your favorite player and somehow make him worse.

- The Orioles have a promotional night in which they actually screw their fans. Earl Weaver’s body does nothing in its grave.

- The Blue Jays.

- The Rays go back to being called the Devil Rays and lose 161 games with only one win against the Blue Jays.

EASTERN DIVISION CHAMP: New York Yankees.

WILD CARD: Detroit Tigers.

AMERICAN LEAGUE CHAMPS: Minnesota Twins.

And now the NL, or as I like to call it: Home.

- The Mets move to the Yankees making it all official.

- The Braves sacrifice Bobby Cox and force Jason Heyward to drink his blood. This oddly enough works: Jason Heyward is really good and Bobby Cox is still alive.

- The Marlins continue to be an MLB team and no one really cares.

- The Phillies continue to dominate as Jayson Werth kills more children and rapes more women.

- The Nationals bring Strasburg up in July and have him pitch every other day creating the two-man rotation of Strasburg and the corpse of Walter Johnson. They each win 50 games.

EASTERN DIVISION CHAMP: Philadelphia Phillies.

- The Pirates ask for permission to commit real piracy on off days. They trade Andrew McCutchen to the Yankees just to prove to their fans they are serious about failing.

- The Cardinals have Albert Pujols.

- The Astros go back to wearing their uniforms from the 80’s. This buys ownership two more seasons to “figure it out”.

- The Brewers go back to the AL forcing Trevor Hoffman to retire. Hoffman is then signed by the Padres to play third base.

- The Cubs finally put it all together. HAHA!

- The Reds become actual Communists. This does wonders for their bullpen and they end up being the only team where every player is credited with at least one win.

CENTRAL DIVISION CHAMP: Chicago Cubs.

- The Diamondbacks continue to be average forcing everyone in Arizona to vote for John McCain until the year 2050.

- The Giants open up a weekend pitching workshop for local kids and Barry Zito. He is kicked out of camp for not listening. Tim Lincecum continues to run from O’Bannion after games.

- The Rockies’ Todd Helton announces his retirement and has one of the best offensive seasons in history. No one outside of Denver cares.

- The Dodgers are torn between who to live with, Mr. or Mrs. McCourt. After taking the summer to think about it they decide to move back to Brooklyn to live with their Grandparents.

- The Padres. Watch.

WESTERN DIVISIONAL CHAMP: San Francisco Giants

WILD CARD: St. Louis Cardinals

NATIONAL LEAGUE CHAMPS: San Francisco Giants

WORLD SERIES CHAMPS: (The most unwatched in history.) San Francisco Giants.

This could be the worst World Series prediction ever. But, it’s all true. Just watch.

Here's to a great season! Go Pads!

In his kept faith,

Dallas.

Look who emailed me today!

Baseball season is coming. I can feel it.

Dallas' Running Diary of the Padres v. Giants Game 9/8

As I sit down to write this I realize several things:

1) I haven’t written one of these since like June or maybe before. No one writes for the Kept Faith anymore and I don’t know why. It was and is a good idea, but no one cares about good ideas, they only care about birth certificates.

2) Jurassic Park is on at the same time as the game and there is no way I won’t be flipping back and forth. Right now Newman is about to get poison spit on him from a dilophosaurus and then eaten. Silly Newman.

3) I haven’t had the chance to write anything recently because I have been directing a fantastic musical called Little Shop of Horrors. Click here for tickets and info.

4) I love the Padres right now. They have a young club full of talent and drive. It’s like watching a less developed version of last years Devil Rays or the 2003 Marlins. Fun baseball will always make me happy even if we are not winning.

Here we go:

TOP OF THE 1^ST INNING:

- Anybody else amazed that the Giants are in contention for the Wild Card? Bochy might just be a good coach after all. Or he’s Frankenstein. Or both.

- The Pads go down in order. I wish I were ordering food right now.

BOTTOM OF THE 1^ST:

-Pablo Sandoval just hit a double. Apparently his nickname is the Giant Panda or Kung Fu Panda or some shit. Anyway, he’s a big boy. And I don’t hate the nickname.

- Bengie Molina hits behind Sandoval. Why would you have the two slowest guys in baseball hitting back to back? That’s just like me hitting behind myself. Molina singles in Kung Fu Panda. I guess you can be as slow as you want if you can place it.

- Juan Uribe (who is actually still starting for a Major League team) pops out.

PADS – 0 GIANTS – 1 MILLER HIGH LIFE – 1

TOP OF THE 2^ND:

- They are in the kitchen running and hiding from the Raptors. Remember the first time you saw the Raptor run for Timmy and it rammed into the cabinet because the Raptor was actually chasing his reflection? That was awesome.

- Kouz grounds out.

- The Raptor just opened the door. Every Spielberg movie has something retarded in it like a dinosaur opening a door. Yes, even Schindler’s List. The red coat thing? So pretentious and un-necessary.

- Chase Headley just hit his 11^th homer off Madison Bumgarner. Bumgarner is a rookie and is racist. I don’t know that for a fact, but he’s white and from the south. Is that a generalization?

PADS – 1 GIANTS – 1

BOTTOM OF THE 2^ND:

- In an amazing turn of luck, the T-Rex saves everyone by eating the Raptors! Maybe the T-Rex is just misunderstood.

- Aaron Rowand homers off Kevin Correia. Once a Giant always a Giant, eh Correia?

- Correia is not looking sharp, but that is nothing new. Actually I think the scouting report on him is: Not sharp.

PADS -1 GIANTS – 2

TOP OF THE 3^RD:

- Jurassic Park ends with Sam Neill looking out the helicopter window at birds flying. Remember when this movie came out and religious groups were so mad about the whole evolution storyline? Remember when they were mad about a movie that had Raptor’s opening doors, T-Rex’s chasing cars and successful cloning from prehistoric mosquito’s’ trapped in prehistoric sap? Ugh.

- Evereth Cabrera is up. I like him. He makes good plays and can hold his own with the bat. So what if he made 4 errors last week, at least he’s not hitting .214 (I miss you Khalil!).

- Pads show no life.

PADS – 1 GIANTS – 2

BOTTOM OF THE 3^RD:

- The Great Panda is up. If he chewed on bamboo in the dugout I think my head would explode from joy. He grounds out.

- Uribe (again, starting.) singles.

- Correia strikes out Winn and is starting to look, well…not sharp, but…what is not dull, but not sharp and looks like it’s trying to hard, but not really portraying actual effort? If anyone thinks of a word for all that let me know.

PADS – 1 GIANTS – 2

TOP OF THE 4^TH:

- Kouz hits a big homerun on the first pitch of the inning! Koooooooouuuuuuuzzzzzzzzz.

- Annnnnnnnnnnnddddddddddd…the rest of the team kills the momentum.

PADS – 2 GIANTS – 2 MILLER HIGH LIFE – 2

BOTTOM IF THE 4^TH:

- Rowand singles.

- Correia is really slowing the pace of this game down to picante.

- I’m now flipping between this and Major League on AMC, “She said that she had a better body than you and I had to find out because I’m obligated to defend you!”

- Eugenio Velez is now batting for the Giants. First off, who is that? Secondly, that name sucks. Thirdly, he just singled in Rowand. Fuck you Eugenio!

- Eugenio gets tagged out trying to steal 2^nd and the inning is over. Karma.

PADS – 2 GIANTS – 3

TOP OF THE 5^TH:

- I took a break to make a burger. Nothing happened though, so don’t worry. Honestly, nothing happened.

TOP OF THE 6^TH:

- Bumgarner comes out of the game for saying something racist to A-Gonz. I couldn’t hear it and I didn’t see his lips move, but I’m sure that’s what happened. Brandon Medders comes in.

- Kouz strikes out looking.

- Headley loses a bet.

PADS – 2 GIANTS -3 COORS LIGHT – 1 BURGERS – 1

BOTTOM OF THE 6^TH:

- Correia is actually keeping it close, but his pitch count is around 120 so his night is done, I’m sure.

- Watching Major League: “Haywood swings and hits one towards South America! Tomlinson is going to need a visa to catch this one!”

PADS – 2 GIANTS – 3

TOP OF THE 7^TH:

- Will Veneble smacks a homerun off Medders to tie this game up! His 10^th of the year and 36^th RBI. I think we should probably keep Veneble around. We won’t, but we should.

- Edgar Gonzales singles. Medders is taken out in favor of Sergio Romo, the half-gay brother of Tony Romo. You know Edgar is wearing the new batting helmets that apparently can protect you from a 100mph fastball. The other helmets only guarantee protection from 70mph fastballs. So, I guess if you’re always facing Tim Wakefield you’ll be safe. The helmet is a bit thicker than the others and basically makes Edgar look like he is 14-years old wearing a grown-ups helmet. Basically, I guess anyone who wears this helmet will look like Juan Pierre does all the time. ZING!

PADS – 3 GIANTS – 3

BOTTOM OF THE 7^TH:

- Adam Russell is in to pitch for the Padres. No relation to my roommate, who is off working out by the way. I’m so proud of him – he’s had a big weekend!

- He sits the Giants down in odd fashion.

PADS – 3 GIANTS – 3

TOP OF THE 8^TH:

- Jeremy Affeldt is in for the Giants and he gives up a single to A-Gonz that was actually an error, but who cares. Not the NL Umps.

- Kouz singles.

- Mark Grant just made a Rip Taylor reference. How? I can’t explain it. I refuse to try.

- Headley hits a sharp double and A-Gonz hustles all the way from 2^nd to slide-in with the go ahead run. Kouz on 3^rd and Headley is on 2^nd. Worlds are colliding.

- The Pads get the bases loaded with 1 out and do nothing about it. God I miss watching the Padres!

PADS – 4 GIANTS – 3

BOTTOM OF THE 8^TH:

- Some guy named Webb in to pitch for the Padres. Who? I have no idea. I refuse to do research on him until he impresses me.

- I wouldn’t say it was impressive, but he got a 1-2-3 inning.

PADS – 4 GIANTS – 3 COORS LIGHT – 2

TOP OF THE 9^TH:

- The Pads do very little.

PADS – 4 GIANTS – 3

BOTTOM OF THE 9^TH:

- Heath Bell coming in to close the game out for the Pads. I hear “Saved by the Bell” in my head and will always until they make it official.

- Kouz apparently got hurt and we only had one player left on the bench which was a backup catcher, so Headley moved to 3^rd, Alfonzo came in to catch and Hundley move to Left – where he has never played in the majors. Great.

- As fired up as Bell gets he’s not that consistent. He just kinda throws everywhere and it gets a little boring.

- He gets Eugenio to pop out to Hundley of all people to win the game! Eugenio!

FINAL SCORE: PADS 4 – GIANTS 3

So, all in all it wasn’t a bad game. A little long, especially for the final score and amount of hits. Correia is boring to watch and Bumgarner was lame – and racist! Jeez! Anywho, I missed watching the Padres and in a few days football will take over the mind of Americans until the World Series. I just hope we can all appreciate the glory of the pastime even in the shadow of the wife beating and pill-popping gang members known as the stars of the NFL.

BOOOOOO

First of all no one posts on this site anymore and it makes me sad.

Secondly, I wanted to do a running diary of the Pads/Angels game tonight but no one told me it started at 6pm.

Thirdly, I'm freaking glad I didn't do one. We look horrible and Luis Rodriguez and Brian Giles need to be traded to a sporting goods store for some extra bats and maybe (if they'll swing it) some new cleats. Might be a tough sell.

I remember at the beginning of last season J3oe and I decided we would be Angels fans, but didn't have the balls to go through with it. I wish we had. I'm watching pure sadness right now.