Dallas' Running Diary Padres V. Pirates 8/11

I was pretty excited about getting to write a running diary again since it’s been so long since my last one. Mostly my fault, but really it was America’s. Anyway, I had to be late to the game due to some slide consultations I’m doing for a new small independent company called Sea World. I’m joined per usual by Josh Elwell and this time Mr. Luke Marinkovich. I wish anything Luke said made it into the diary but it didn’t. WARNING: Due to my growing affection for this lineup, the following diary is full of nicknames - try to keep up.

TOP OF THE 4^TH INNING:

• A nice 1-2-3 to start off my first inning in the park.

Uh…Jeff Krapf is not in the building. The stadium P.A. Announcer is handling his duties and the Jack in the Box game. Not gonna lie…kinda bummed. Where is he? I want to know? Did he get fired cause he dropped a deuce?

BOTTOM OF THE 4^TH:

• A-Gonz slaps a hit away from the shift forcing the pitcher to handle it, which he then misfires to first base, A-Gonz running as hard as he can bumbles in to second. Maybe the worst play I’ve seen both teams execute at the same time in a long time.
• By the way, A-Gonz shaved. No Krapf, baby face Adrian. It must have been an interesting road trip.
• A-Gonz scores on a wild pitch! Is Rick Ankiel on the mound?
• I just gave Will Venable a new nickname before he just struck out: “Winable”. After the strike out: “Whiffable”.

END OF THE INNING: PADS - 1 PIRATES - 0

TOP OF THE 5^TH INNING:

• El Dorkia up to bat. Pops out.
• JHJR singles.
• MTJR singles.
• I hate the “Everybody Get Up” song!
• A-Gonz singles home JHJR! That’s how that’s supposed to work dammit!
• Ludwick doubles home Miggy! That’s how that’s supposed to work dammit!
• Sean Gallagher (Ex-Friar) in to pitch and tosses a warm-up in the dirt. I like it.
• Headley (Lamar) walks.
• Yorvit (“Y-To”?) takes a bases-loaded walk.

END OF THE INNING: PADS - 4 PIRATES - 0

TOP OF THE 6^TH INNING:

• So a lesbian couple just sat down in front of me. It seems like lesbianism is becoming a lot more social and open. But it kind of sucks because 90% of them are not attractive. It’s like when you were 15 and you snuck into the nude beach and it was just a bunch of old guys.

BOTTOM OF THE 6^TH:

• Chan Ho Park on the mound for the Pirates. Ha!
• El Dorkia hits a double off the wall.
• KC bunts him to 3^rd.
• JHJR hits a two-run BOMB!
• Miggy singles. Chan Ho…
• A-Gonz doubles home Miggy! Chan Ho…
• Ludwick strikes out and Headley pops out. Chan Ho.

END OF THE INNING: PADS - 7 PIRATES - 0

TOP OF THE 7^TH INNING:

• Cabrera announced at a replacement at 2^nd. Three people clap.
• It makes me happy that I get to see Andrew McCutchen play his last season with the Pirates.
• Jose Tabata singles. I wish his last name was Tapitio.
• So apparently the Padres bullpen (The Penitentiary as Heath Bell calls them.) started the wave that is currently happening in the stadium. While I appreciate their enthusiasm I also hate the wave. Josh and I are not participating. Josh says its cause he’s 25.
• KC walks in a bases-loaded run. He is now making the slow walk to the dugout. Friere (or whatever) in to pitch. His ERA is 0.93. Just thought I’d write that.
• A Pirate doubles home two other Pirates. Shit.
• That was a bummer.

BOTTOM OF THE 7^TH:

• “Winable” smacks a ground rule double.
• The 20-something girl behind me just said the word “fucking” while on a phone call 25 times in 3 minutes. She also said “she’s not a Padres fan, she’s a Red Sox fan.” When asked why she said, “I don’t know.” Sometimes I hate San Diego.
• Dorkia walks.
• Scoot Hairston in to pinch hit.
• Double Steal.
• Scoot and JHJR strike out. Shit.

END OF THE INNING: PADS - 7 PIRATES - 4

TOP OF THE 8^TH INNING:

• The refreshed Mike Adams in to pitch.
• Strikeout.
• Headley makes a play worthy of the Gods!
• Headley makes another inning saving play worthy of THE GODS!

BOTTOM OF THE 8^TH:

• Evan Meek on the mound.
• Miggy walks to start off the inning.
• A-Gonz singles.
• I lost track of the game because Evan Meek pitches slower than I run the mile.
• Yorvit hits into a double play. I’d be upset except for the fact that Evan Meek made everyone want to leave the country.

END OF THE INNING: PADS - 8 PIRATES - 5

TOP OF THE 9^TH INNING:

• Heath Bell makes the long run to the mound. Download this week’s podcast to hear my thoughts on his entrance routine. It’s forced, it’s manufactured and it’s almost getting old.
• Anyway, he actually stays out of trouble and goes 1-2-3 and the PADRES WIN! CUE MACY GRAY!

END OF GAME: PADRES - 8 PIRATES - 5

What a win and as of today we swept those Pirates! Willie Stargell is rolling over in his grave as I type this. Seriously what has happened to the Pirates? One of the more historic franchises in Baseball history just reduced to nothing. They might move! Where? LA? The Los Angeles Pirates? They could build a stadium in Silverlake and drive out the hipsters. It just makes me sad and it’s got to crush the city of Pittsburgh. They have a rich sports tradition and it’s getting drugged one bad move after another. Yes that was a Ben Roethlisbeger joke.

FIRST PLACE!!

GO PADRES!!!