Streakin For the Weekend

Watching baseball at 9am on a Wednesday while working from home feels like getting away with something. It shouldn’t happen, but it feels good. I got to watch the Padres beat the Marlins yesterday 6-4 over eggs and it gave me a chance to listen to the MLB network objectively call the game. Overall, they were similarly optimistic about the future of the Padres. Like the local announcers Dick Enberg and Mudcat, the MLB guys couldn’t shut up about David Eckstein and the fire he has lit under the young team from America’s finest city often saying that he does the little things that are hard to see. Why not? The streak was fun. 8 games in a row was a great week and a half. However, for me, the best thing about that period of time was that it allowed me to focus on the NFL Draft. It was a Charger weekend and the Pads played well enough to not add to the anxiety. I guess it was kinda like having a criminal teenager who decided to behave and not get arrested during a weekend where there was a wedding in the family.

Obviously the results of any draft are impossible to gauge. We won’t know how good the decisions were until a few years from now. RB Ryan Matthews is big and fast and allowed me to fantasize about what it would feel like to have Adrian Peterson. I am not saying that he will be AP, but it crossed my mind. It seems very possible that he could be at least as effective as Marian Barber, which wouldn’t suck with our passing game.

The rest of the Chargers’ draft consisted of picks that filled holes in every phase of the defense, except for a the 5th round where AJ threw a QB from Tennessee at Norv Turner just to keep his mind busy. It was a nice little project pick, that was sort of like dropping off a puzzle for your dying grandpa to play with at his retirement home.

A.J. Smith’s jump up to the 12th pick was clearly the highlight for the franchise, but it was nothing compared to the pick the Broncos made at 24. Tim Tebow is coming to the AFC West and we all know it is going to be a circus. I always thought that Tim Tebow’s best move would have been to swear off the NFL, saying it was not what he wanted to do in his life, and then sign a huge Christian book deal. Then he could help kids, continue to circumcise babies in the Philippines and then angle his way to become the Governor of Florida. He could be stealing elections by his 30s. And most importantly, nobody would have to watch him fail at the next level. But no, he is going for it, and the Broncos are believers.

As a lifelong Padres fan, it has been really hard listening to every person calling the Padres games waxing on about David Eckstein’s grit and the little things he brings to the table. But at least he has something to do with the outcome of the game. I know that it has been a popular thing on this site to mock the media’s tireless love affair with him (I started it and I plan on finishing it), but to his credit, he is always on the field and he actually contributes. The best thing about the Broncos pick isn’t that Tim Tebow will likely never make it, it is that the National media is going to go bonkers during his games when he isn’t going to be doing anything. It will be fun to watch a rival fanbase deal with that crap in a worse, more unfulfilling situation.

Last week, a Dodger fan friend of mine jokingly said he was going to the David Eckstein Bobblehead Night because he wanted a physical reminder of what it means to work hard and “care”. Dodgers’ fans living in SD often use sarcasm well and I can find myself laughing at their jokes, even if they are directed at my fan base. But now I feel the same way. The Broncos players and fans are going to be overwhelmed with Tebowmania and it is going to get them nowhere. I can’t wait for the first Chargers Broncos game and hear Phil Simms give his PHILosophy, saying I can tell Tim Tebow’s magic is already affecting this locker room. Then one of two things will probably happen: San Diego will stomp them or the Chargers will lose the ball in the redzone on a fumble that didn’t happen. Then Tebow will waive his arm to the press box and the power will go out in the review booth and then the Broncos will get the ball. Sometimes shit doesn’t work, but also, sometimes God gets involved.

Whatever. It was a good weekend..

One Inning

A little over a week ago, April 18th to be exact, I was at the Padres-Diamondbacks game in which the Padres came from behind and scored 5 runs in the 7th, and went on to win the game. This was the third win of their eventual 8-game streak. And it stuck out to me that this year's team wasn't just having a strong, lucky start (like last year); they actually have it in them to pull out a victory and score some runs when they need to.

Further proof: Today. Correia came out of the gate shakier than he has all season, giving up 4 runs in the first 3 innings. Then, in the 5th inning, when the Padres knew they needed to get some runs on the board - they did. 10 batters went to the plate and 5 runs were scored. Correia came back out and finished the 5th before handing it off to Mujica, Gregerson, Adams and Bell to hold and save his win.

Another series win after back-to-back Marlin-crushing victories shows that Monday’s outlier was more about how good Josh Johnson was than how bad the Padres were.

I’ll be at two of the next four home games versus the Brewers (including Friday’s Beerfest with the cast of “Beerfest!”) this weekend and couldn’t be more ecstatic about the superb, awe-inspiring play of the San Diego Padres. And yes, that is the hyperbole Joe just mentioned that is fully allowed when the Padres are winning.

PS. Why did we let Clay Hensley go? He struck out 6 batters in 2 innings today for the Marlins. No hits. No walks. 6. Straight. Strikeouts. I always loved that Ratatouille-looking creature. Padres Fun Fact #1: Hensley and Josh Barfield were roommates in a condo in Mission Valley during our illustrious 2006 season. Padres Fun Fact #2: Barfield is playing for the Portland Beavers this year.

But, Hensley's ridiculously dominating two innings aside, all the Padres needed was one inning. One inning to score their runs. And they did it, again.

Unlucky

As last week progressed I spent some time thinking about what I'd write about this week. The Padres were tearing through opponents, winning games in dramatic fashion and behaving like a team that was not going to finish in last place. That's the type of team that is fun to write about. When writing about a winner you can write tribute pieces about the individuals contributing to a team's success or you can simply throw hyperbole wherever you like. No one will call you on it, because everyone is just so happy to be winning. But now it's my turn to post and the last thing to happen in Padres' history is this:



That's Josh Johnson's stat line from a 10-1 dismantling of the Padres. I didn't really feel like writing about that.

Dallas' Running Diary Padres V. Reds 4/25

First, I’d like to say that this weekend’s games were important to me because for as long as I can remember liking baseball I’ve been a huge fan of the Padres and the Cincinnati Reds. Chris Sabo, Eric Davis, The Nasty Boys… these things mean a lot to me. I was very excited to write a running diary for this game. Now…

…This season I’m trying to do a “running” diary every Sunday. Usually this isn’t an issue because, although I work from 1am to 5am on Sundays, I’m able to get enough sleep before the one o’clock start times. However, today’s game started at 10am and this caused the following to happen:

5:21am - I get home from work and set my alarm for 9:30am to give myself enough time to brush my teeth, grab a cup of coffee and find a place to watch the game.

Side note: After a heated argument with Cox Cable (in which I figured out how they got their name) my house decided we would go without cable. This now forces me to find a location to watch Padres games.

9:30am - Snooze button.

9:40am - I get a text from Josh asking me if I’m coming over and telling me that he might have to leave at noon. I reply yes, I’ll be over in a few.

10:09am - Josh: “Are you coming over?”

10:20am - Me: “I’ll see. I’m tired.”

11:00am - Me: “So, are you gonna leave at noon?”

11:06am - Josh: “No.”

11:25am - Me: “Dude, I cannot stay awake. Too late for the diary.”

11:36am - I am officially woken up by dogs and realize that I am starving. I hop up and decide on an omelet.

11: 45am - I leave the house on my way to the Caffe Carpe Diem in North Park.

11:55am - I get to Carpe Diem and realize how close I am to my buddy, and fellow Kept Faith contributor, Sean’s house and ask if I can come over and watch the very close Padres V. Reds game which is now in the 6^th inning.

Some things you should know about Caffe Carpe Diem:

1) They have good food.

2) They will six times out of ten (not an exaggeration) make your drink incorrectly. This is not from lack of trying.

3) When they do make it correctly, it’s really, really good.

4) It’s better than Starbucks.

12:02pm - Sean says I can come over.

12:10pm - I arrive at Sean’s, food and coffee in hand, just in time for the bottom of the 7^th inning.

BOTTOM OF THE 7^TH INNING

- I walk in to Luke Gregerson warming up while the grounds crew is trying to clean up the mud around the base paths. It’s been raining. I had no idea.

- Dick Enberg is awesome. How did we get him? I mean Jerry Coleman is the star of San Diego broadcasting but I really hope Enberg sticks around for a few seasons.

- I’m focusing on my omelet and nothing really matters because I’m starving. Gregerson sits down the side with some nasty nasty.

END OF THE 7^TH: PADS - 4 REDS - 3

This is my first chance to see all the new Channel 4 Padres commercials. They are terrible. However, oddly enough, Mark Grant is good in them. He has comic timing and seems to understand the fact that he is a joke. His life now, much like his career, is a big fat neck roll of a joke. Sorry, I got a little mean there. I actually like Grant. J/K K.I.T. BFF’s!

TOP OF THE 8^TH INNING

- Arthur Rhodes has been announced as the pitcher and Enberg tells us that Rhodes is 40 years of age and making his 748^th appearance in the major leagues. He was drafted in 1988. Just as a comparison, I’ve been hosting shows at Sea World since 1999 and have made over 4,000 appearances and have a much lower career ERA- so eat it Rhodes!

- He strikes out everybody who is anybody.

BOTTOM OF THE 8^TH

^{- The pitcher I like the most is on the mound for the Padres - Mike Adams.}

^{- Ah crap. Right after Enberg says the Pads are 5 outs away from 9 in a row, the wheels come off.}

^{- Rolen singles.}

^{- Bruce doubles, A-Gonz misplays the throw (trade his ass already), Adams decides that backing up the throw should be someone else’s job and disappears (presumably to the dug out) and Rolen runs home. Bruce to third.}

^{- Tie game.}

^{- Former Friar, Ramon Hernandez, singles in Bruce. I yell. This begs the question: If you scream in a house full of Giants fans, does anyone hear it?}

^{- Adams has really unraveled. Walks two in a row.}

^{- Votto up with the bases-loaded. Now, here is where fantasy baseball takes over. I have Votto and a grand slam would secure my win this week. I am now conflicted. I choose not to watch and hope for happiness on either end.}

^{- Votto strikes out. Phew. (Damn).}

END OF THE 8^TH: PADS - 4 REDS - 5

TOP OF THE 9^TH INNING

- The Reds closer Francisco Cordero is on the mound - another one of my fantasy players. I don’t need a save from him to win this week. In fact even if he gets the loss I’ll be okay.

- Blanks gets robbed of a single! ROBBED! The umpires in Cincy have been pretty terrible from what I’ve seen so far. I know it’s raining and you want to go home, but come on!

- Matt Stairs up to pinch hit. Whatever.

- Enberg: “And now it is really raining seriously.”

- Hundley draws a damp walk.

- Cabrera pinch running for Hundley steals 2^nd and reaches 3^rd on an error.

- Tony Gwynn JUNIOR draws a walk.

- Jerry Hairston Jr reaches down and hits a long fly ball. That’s game.

END OF GAME: PADS - 4 REDS - 5

At a moment like this I don’t know what to write. Being a fan of both teams and watching the Padres snap an 8-game winning streak is confusing. You can’t be upset because at least we kept it close and have been playing beyond expectations. I also am happy because I want the Reds to compete in the Central at some point and a game like this is a sign that could happen sooner than later. It’s a win-win lose-lose kiss-kiss bang-bang. Oh well, let’s just hope this doesn’t lead to an 8-game losing streak.

1:30pm - I’m driving home and see a horribly offensive billboard that reads, “Divorce the BETTER way.” After I get past the shock and sadness I start to think. It reminds me of how divorce has actually stalled the Padres growth in the past couple seasons. It’s funny how one relationship can affect literally thousands of others. I’m glad we are transitioning into new ownership, but it feels weird. It’s like John Moores is our ex-wife and Jeff Moorad is the new, hot, young girlfriend. We feel bad because in the beginning our ex-wife was great and really supported us all the way to the top. But, as relationships often do, it went south and as Billy Joel said, “They started to fight when the money got tight and they just didn’t count on the tears, whoa oh whoa, whoa oh whoa, yeah rock and roll.” We look to Moorad to make us feel young again and prove that we can still believe in love. But it’s still too new, still rocky. We’re still feeling each other out and making sure this is true and not some silly rebound we get stuck with and end up hating more than our ex. Let’s face it we can’t be in first place forever, but for now the sex is great.

What We'd Need To Make A Deal

With all the Adrian Gonzalez trade rumors lingering around from the off-season, it got me thinking what Jed Hoyer could possibly get in return for a .280 hitter who smashes 40 home runs and drives in 100 RBI’s while scoring 100 runs? Oh, and who’s also 27 and signed to a cheap two-year contract. Since this is Hoyer’s first year, I figured I’d give him a little help. So, here are my proposals:

Boston: Clay Buchholz, Jacoby Ellsbury and Bill Simmons.
New York: Your payroll.
Tampa Bay: Your future.
Toronto: Chris Bosh.
Baltimore: Adam Jones, Matt Wieters and Omar Little.

Cleveland: Willie Mays Hayes.
Chicago: Ozzie Guillen.
Kansas City: Umm… a sandwich? What else do you have? I genuinely don’t know.
Detroit: ’84 Alan Trammell.
Minnesota: To treat our stars (Adrian) like you treat yours (Mauer).

Seattle: ‘95 Randy Johnson, ‘97 Ken Griffey Jr., ‘99 Alex Rodriguez and ’01 Ichiro.
Oakland: MC Hammer (I'm sure Krapf will understand Hammer taking over as in-game host).
Texas: Your racism. (San Diego needs a little more attitude.)
Los Angeles of Anaheim: The rights to rename as the "Los Angeles Padres of San Diego". It'll be huge for sponsorships!

Philadelphia: Jayson Werth dressed up in a Muhammad Halloween costume and dropped off in the Middle East.
Atlanta: 14 consecutive division titles.
New York: Your payroll.
Florida: Two World Series rings.
Washington: Stephen Strasburg and the Washington Capitals.

Houston: Michael Bourn and Jason Bourne. Now thooose are some Killer B’s!
St. Louis: Mark McGwire, Jim Edmonds, Tony La Russa and complete denial over how steroids has affected my team’s success.
Pittsburgh: Umm… A sandwich… and french fries? See: Kansas City.
Chicago: Lou Piniella.
Cincinatti: Over 100 years of history behind my baseball team.
Milwaukee: The final years of Trevor Hoffman’s career. I deserve them!

Los Angeles: Matt Kemp and Rihanna.
San Francisco: Buster Posey and every prospect in your farm system. That’s about what Sabean’s used to paying for veterans, yes?

Arizona: Any and all left over purple and gold uniforms.
Colorado: A no-hitter (well, a real no-hitter, not one with 6 walks).

Got that, Jed? Don’t get too hopeful on those demands for Florida. After all, this is San Diego; the Gulls and the Sockers have been our most successful sports teams.

Dude, Bro

Dallas noted in his recent running diary that the Padres played "Bro Hymn" by Pennywise after the game. I noticed this too on Opening Day. (I almost wrote about it in my post, but then I didn't, because you can't take a picture of a song). I love it when teams play the same song after each home win, it makes for a great tradition. "Bro-Hymn" is a redundant, kind of juvenile song, but it's also impossibly catchy, great for crowd sing-a-longs, and VERY Southern California, so I was in favor.

But after yesterday's game - a 5-2 win over the Giants to complete a sweep, through which, yes, my family and I stayed for all 9 damp and chilly innings - they didn't play it. I forget what they played. I think it was something vaguely Nickelbacky. I found myself kind of irked. Petco doesn't have much going for it in terms of tradition, why get rid of this budding one so soon? Since we've seen that real live Padre employees read this blog, I'm putting out an official call to keep "Bro Hymn" as THE song that's played after a home win. Or at least pick one distinct song and stay with it.

Also, please make the "Saved by the Bell" theme Heath Bell's entrance music. I don't care if he doesn't like it, the fans will. Trust me.

That is all.

Jeff Krapf Drops the Deuce

If you haven't been following along with the comments section over the last couple of days, please read the comments for Dallas' running diary here:

http://bit.ly/cr5oYv

Basically, Jeff Krapf, the new in-game host for the Padres, stumbled upon our blog and responded to criticisms. He proved his identity by saying "Deuce" in the following video.

(Note: read the comments first, otherwise this won't make sense).



I'm sure Dallas will have more to say on the subject, but I'd just like to say, from all of us here at The Kept Faith, you've earned our respect.

Thanks, Jeff. And we look forward to the rest of the year (we'll probably still throw some barbs your way, but from here on out you can consider yourself a friend of the blog (Yep, we're that easy)).

Davey!!!

Baseball teams make a lot of strange choices. They do things like trading fan favorites, raising ticket prices or wearing camouflage jerseys. They make choices that we as fans can never understand and their marketing departments are no different. Over the years teams have taken a lot of odd photos of their stars and made them look ridiculous. David Eckstein's walk-off home run last night has given me the excuse to mine the internet for weird photos of Little Davey. Enjoy.

If I was a philosopher and needed a publicity photo for my latest philosophy conference this is the type of picture I would take. It doesn't seem quite right for a baseball player:

This one is silly. And also betrays the fundamentals. Always keep your eye on the ball. Look into your glove. Use two hands. The kids won't know what to do now. Way to be a role model Davey:

I love this one because it's clearly just a shortstop making a throw to first base, but then you add the phantoms all around him and he looks bad ass. A routine play made to look like it's supernatural. Also, it looks like he's trying to take a shit.

This one is beautiful for a lot of reasons, but the imagery suggests explosions. That's silly. A+. Also, in this one it looks like Davey is throwing up in his mouth a little bit.

This isn't real, it's from another blog (Tiricosuave.com), but it shows up when you Google image David Eckstein. Nice work, guys:

And finally, did you know that David Eckstein is married to a hot chick? And she's five foot two inches? I didn't. I bet she was stoked when he won that game yesterday:

Dallas' Diary Padres V. Diamondbacks 4/18

I start the season of my game day diaries off right - by going to the game! Not only was this my first trip to Petco this year, but it was also the first Padre game I got to watch from start to finish! It is very exciting. Also, I’m looking for a permanent name for my “running” diaries. I turn to the Kept Faith readers for ideas…

Without further Abu, here are the events that transpired at the Padre game Sunday April 18^th…

TOP OF THE 1^ST INNING

- Chris Young was scheduled to start this game but was placed on the DL - again. I think since he got punched in the face by a baseball he’s been cursed. I call it “The Curse of the Overrated Pitcher”. So starting in his place is Wade LeBlanc, who sounds less like a pitcher and more like a member of the Brat Pack along with Judd Nelson and Andrew McCarthy.

- I’m attending this game with friend and fellow Kept Faith writer Josh Elwell. He’s undyingly supportive of everything the Padres do - it’s his weakness. EXAMPLE: He just dubbed LeBlanc “the future”. LeBlanc has been in the league for five years, to which Josh replied, “That’s what we need up there, a nice veteran presence.”

- LeBlanc looks like a mess as Mark Reynolds singles in Tony Abreu, the younger brother of Bobby (Kennedy). Hey remember Tony Batista?

In between the sides they show a montage on the Jumbotron of the Padres season highlights - there were three highlights.

BOTTOM OF THE 1^ST

- Jerry Hairston, Jr is starting instead of David Eckstein. I’m not happy.

- Ian Kennedy is on the mound for the D’Backs, the younger and lesser-known brother of Bobby (Abreu).

- Josh just met our seat neighbors. They are an old couple. The man is wearing headphones and listening to the game on the radio. I love him.

END OF THE 1^ST: PADS - 0 D’BACKS - 1

TOP OF THE 2^ND INNING

- Rusty Ryal is leading off the inning for the D’Backs. Isn’t that a name that 989 Sports generated for MLB: The Show? He lives up to his first name and strikes out.

- Ian Kennedy (The Pitcher) singles.

- Hairston Jr. snags the 3^rd out with a pretty sweet play. If Josh tells me we should cut Eckstein one more time I’m going to punch him in the face with a baseball.

BOTTOM OF THE 2^ND

- Josh just said the following: “I hope Veneble fights Pujols again this year. Best rivalry in the league.”

- KEPT FAITH READER POLL: As a young kid who do you think Kyle Blanks looked up to more as a player - Jackie Robinson, Deion Sanders or David Justice?

END OF THE 2^ND: PADS - 0 D’BACKS - 1

TOP OF THE 3^RD INNING

- Food Break! Josh and I got what I’m calling the Kept Faith Combo #1: A hot dog and a slice of Oggi’s pizza.

- While walking back to our seats I heard the following two sentences from two different rows:

“It’s hard to find good Christian fellowship.”

“LeBlanc will probably pitch through the 7^th”

- As odd as the first sentence was, the second one actually made Josh and I mad. It was the 3^rd and LeBlanc had already thrown 60 pitches! He won’t make it past the 5^th let alone the 7^th!

BOTTOM OF THE 3^RD

- LeBlanc breaks up Kennedy’s no-hitter with a single! The Jumbotron puts up the word “Rammycackle!” Is that what you call it when the only hit your team has through three is delivered by the pitcher?

END OF THE 3^RD: PADS - O D’BACKS - 1

TOP OF THE 4^TH INNING

- Mark Reynolds gets another hit.

- Chris Young is up to bat. Do you think it makes our Chris Young jealous that another Chris Young is actually playing OR do you think he’s just happy that there is a Chris Young on the field?

- LeBlanc gets out of a bases loaded jam with a nice play by Cabrera! “I guess LeBlanc gets by with a little help from his Nicaraguans.”**

In between the sides we all stood up and applauded the Marines that come to every Sunday game. The Padres are the official team of the military and I really wonder if the military feels cheated by this.

BOTTOM OF THE 4^TH

- The game has come to a screeching halt. Both pitchers have been working at a Steve Trachsel pace. The fat kid with the faux hawk and Iron Maiden shirt just left. You know it’s getting boring when that happens.

- Let me take a minute though and say there is nothing better than day baseball. Holy Lord. You are immediately experiencing a historical part of America’s Pastime. It really doesn’t get any better.

END OF THE 4^TH: PADS - 0 D’BACKS - 1

In between innings the new in-game host, Jeff Krapf, picked a fan to play the Jack in the Box “under the cone” game. If the fan guesses right everyone gets free tacos. He guesses right. The crowd literally reacts like we just won the World Series.

1) I played the “under the cone” game last season and picked cone number two. I was on mic in the stadium and said “I think I’m gonna have to drop a deuce and pick number two.” I still get people who were at the game coming up to me yelling, “Drop a deuce!” I am a Padre Hall of Famer.

2) I applied for Jeff Krapf’s in-game hosting job. I made it to the 2^nd round. I obviously didn’t get hired, but Jeff looks like a reject from Road Rules. I immediately hate him.

TOP OF THE 5^TH INNING

- LeBlanc sits them down in order.

- AND! A Jersey Shore reject just walked by with her ass cheeks hanging out of her shorts. I yelled, “I can see your ass!” No reply. If she watches more than three minutes of the game I will buy her some pants.

BOTTOM OF THE 5^TH

- Surprise! LeBlanc being pinch-hit for by Tony Gwynn…junior!

- It matters not, Gwynn grounds out.

- Cabrera doubles! The place goes nuts for a double! Yes, it’s been that kind of a game.

- …And Jerry Hairston pops out to end the inning HOORAY!

END OF THE 5^TH: PADS - 0 D’BACKS - 1

Jeff Krapf is a tool.

TOP OF THE 6^TH INNING

- Miller Lite flashes an ad that reads, “Padres fans demand greatness”. Either that’s a blanket ad Miller does for every team just replacing the name at each stadium OR Miller Lite doesn’t know shit about the Padres.

- LeBlanc out Edward Mujica in.

- Mark Reynolds homers off Mujica. (Side Note: as soon as they announced Mujica I turned to Josh and said “Oh, God.” How many times can I be right in one game?)

- Rusty Ryal up to bat! He pops out.

BOTTOM OF THE 6^TH

- A-Gonz up to bat and singles. Thank God, we just hat-tricked!

- Headley walks.

- Veneble pops out.

- Blanks grounds into a double play.

- Does this sound familiar?

END OF THE 6^TH: PADS - 0 DOUCHEBACKS - 2

TOP OF THE 7^TH INNING

- Ass Shorts just walked by with her boyfriend who was wearing board shorts, a straight billed cap and a Billabong shirt, it’s all starting to make sense…

BOTTOM OF THE 7^TH

- Scott Hairston (Who I want to start calling “Scoot”.) leads off with a homerun. I didn’t see it. Why? The fucking Pad Squad was standing in my way throwing crap to people who didn’t even care a homerun had been hit.

- Eckstein, my hero, who people now refer to as “The Bobblehead”? Lines out. Damn. It’s okay buddy. He did however watch ten pitches. AT-A-BOY BOBBLEHEAD!

- Hey Ass Shorts has a friend! I’m dubbing her Ass Skirt.

- I’m now praying a foul ball will strike this Pad Squad guy in the head. THROW YOUR CRAP AND LEAVE MY SECTION IN PEACE!

- Cabrera singles. Steals second.

- Hairston Jr. doubles in Cabrera - tie game!

- Oh I should mention Aaron Heilman has been pitching and this is his 5^th Major League team. It’s all starting to make sense…AND, as I’m writing this Heilman is taken out for Juan Gutierrez.

- They are walking A-Gonz to get to Headley. They did this on Friday night and Headley hit a game-winning walk-off 3-run homerun. HISTORY…REPEATS ITSELF! And them some! We just witnessed one of the most amazing plays in baseball - an inside the park homerun! True it was actually a triple with an error, but who cares! It’s awesome!

END OF THE 7^TH: FRIARS - 5 D’BACKS - 2

TOP OF THE 8^TH INNING

- Mike Adams in to pitch.

- Hey Ass Shorts, Ass Skirt (Who is also wearing two-inch heels.) and crew are leaving. Weird. I wonder if I asked her the score she could tell me.

- Adams uses nine pitches to get three outs. I like Mike Adams.

BOTTOM OF THE 8^TH

- The Pads go down in order. No big deal because here comes…

END OF THE 8^TH: PADS - 5 DPBACKS - 2

TOP OF THE 9^TH INNING

- …Heath Bell! He comes running full speed in from the bullpen a la John Rocker. He’s awesome. It’s like if John Rocker and Rod Beck had a funny un-racist baby. His entrance music sucks pretty badly. He is literally Trevor Hoffman’s opposite in every way available.

- I lose track a bit as the game takes over and I’m on my feet most of this inning. The D’Backs score but Bell gets the SAVE!

- WE SWEEP THE DIAMONDBACKS!

As soon as we won the stadium PA played “Bro-Hymn” by Pennywise. I don’t like Pennywise all that much, but this song is rad and most of the crowd seems to know it. I really hope this sticks. It’s like “I Love LA” or “New York, New York”. I’m serious. Just imagine us beating the Cubs that song comes on and we scare the crap out of all the stupid Cubs fans by singing the chorus to “Bro-Hymn” in unison. God I hope this is a thing. I’m gonna find out and if it’s not I’m campaigning for it to be.

Well, that’s the first Diary of the season. Hope you enjoyed it. Please submit some name ideas for the Diary. I’m stuck with some pretty bad ones.

GO PADS!

**I put that line in quotes to make it appear that some one else said it.